Make it so {[Safira Malfoy]}

[bugock]

Dear Diary,

Every day I seem to feel better about the future, this has happened ever since my father was sent to Azkaban in January. I can scarcely believe that I will be able to go home this summer and not have to face him. As a matter of fact, I will be graduated once he gets let out. It's so liberating to not have the father that hates you just because you're a Gryffindor being there.

But I think mum has gone crazy. She refuses to divorce him simply because she "still loves him," even after he cheated on her with several other women for years. I swear, she is just too oblivious to the things that he did; Could she not notice the smell of cheap perfume? Or that he always had to "stay late at the office," though he never had a formal job?

It's disgusting; It truly is. but onto a happier matter. My older brother, Isaac, is getting married this summer to Gabriella Weasley. I'm sure that they will be happy together; don't you think? But it will be sort of strange, I'll be related to two of my close friends, Blaize and Emily Weasley. Odd, right? But at leat I'll get a lot more cousins!

~Safira

[bugock]

Dear Diary,

I miss Quidditch. Not having Quidditch is driving me completely insane! I suppose it's a good thing given all the homework the entire fifth year is getting (although OWLs aren't until April). But I miss riding my broom, the wind whipping my face and smacking those bludgers as hard as I can. It gets dreadfully boring without my favourite sport to keep me occupied. Hopefully I'll get to be captain next year...

~Safira

[bugock]

Dear Diary,

Wow, I have not written in a long time. It's summer now and Isaac and Gabriella's wedding was last week. It was so beautiful, nothing makes me happier than seeing two people that really love each other together. They've been through a lot together, and there is more to come for them I'm certain. But on a more horrible note, Emily committed suicide. I heard from Blaize that she jumped from the abandoned highway overpass by King's Cross. I feel a deep pain in my heart, I've been really selfish. Had I not been spending so much time with Demetri and focusing a bit more on her... Maybe she might still be here.

Demetri? Oh, he's my boyfriend/potions professor. We've been going out for a while and I've actually been living with him all summer but here's the thing; I'm pregnant with his baby. I'm scared and I feel like I don't have anywhere to go, but thankfully I have confided in the right person, Raychel McFarland. She's showed me all sorts of potions and spells to cover up the signs and symptoms of pregnancy. I'm still dropping out of school, though.

I can't come up with a logical lie to tell for discontinuing Quidditch, plus my due date is in May, which is still during the school year. It would just be a lot easier on me if I never went back in September. But I'm not sure what's going to happen with my family; my dad won't care, my mum will probably be angry, I have no idea how Bella and Vivienne will react- but it's Isaac I'm most concerned about. When he walked in on Demetri and I snogging he got really mad, but if he hears I've slept with Demetri on more than one occasion and am now pregnant with his baby... Everything has gotten very complicated.

~Safira

[bugock]

Dear Diary,

Well, Isaac found out. You can't exactly hide a pregnancy from a vampire when you're in close range. He nearly killed Demetri, and might have gone through with it if I weren't there. It was frightening, I hate seeing Isaac like that, he just looks like a monster, not my brother. I'm not counting my blessings just yet, if hears about our secret courthouse wedding (that I forged my birth certificate for)... I don't even want to think about that.

I've started getting morning sickness, it's really bad if I forget the potion that Raychel gave me for it. If I do take it, I don't usually get ill, but I tend to feel nauseous throughout the day; and certain foods still make me throw up. But none of the potions seem to be helping with the cravings, they're quite intense for me. Particularly when it comes to peach ice cream and salami. But carrots... just the thought of them makes my stomach lurch. I don't think I'll ever touch one again.

Demetri and I are going to name our daughter Aurora Emily. It just feels right. Not a day goes by where I don't miss Emily, I've been thinking that I should make something nice for the Weasleys for dinner and bring it over to them one night, or at least go and visit Blaize- he hasn't been responding to my letters. But even in the darkest of times there is a light, after sixteen years Zelphar's mother came back for him, he's moving with her to Dublin as soon as the paperwork clears.

I'm having issues being happy for him right now, though, what with so much going on right now. And so much going wrong. I just want things to be simple again.

~Safira

[bugock]

Dear Diary,

I have certainly been neglectful of you! It's been nearly a year since I wrote last, but I have been keeping busy. Things are... Well, they're not exactly going the way that they should. Every day it seems life in general gets worse, due mostly to the fact of Isabelle and her followers. During my absence in writing both my brother and myself were held captive by her. It was horrible, I was sealed inside a train car all alone for several months. No one to talk to, not even the slightest interaction.

I though I might have gone completely insane, but I'm sure it's nothing compared to what Isaac went through. He won't tell anyone what they did to him, but I worry almost constantly about him. He's not the person he used to be, all he ever seems to do is work on the house he and Gabriella bought. He doesn't really talk, and when I manage to get him to say something it's usually only a few words at a time. And that look in his eyes... It chills me to my very core. I don't know what Isaac did or saw, but whatever it was it must have been terrible.

I fear for my safety, as well as Aurora's, at times. Every time I pick up a newspaper, whether it be muggle or magic, there's stories of people vanishing, people being found dead by magical means, torturing sprees. And yet the Ministry still remains ignorant, it's only a matter of time before they become corrupted by everything that's going on. It wouldn't surprise me if a few Ministry employees are secretly Death Eaters. The thought makes me shudder, but it's likely true to some degree.

I'm completely exhausted, worrying about all of this while caring for Aurora, and being pregnant again is really draining. I didn't mention, did I? At least I've stopped crying about it, but the last time I took Aurora for a check-up I found out that I was pregnant again. It's another girl. So far only Demetri knows, but I'm certain that Gabriella and Isaac will find out the next time I go for a visit, they will probably smell it, or hear the baby's heart beat. I'm so terribly conflicted, I don't want another child so soon, but I don't have the will to terminate the pregnancy.

Being pregnant is amazing, it makes you suddenly more aware of every move you make, everything you eat, of everything around you. And when you can feel that baby move inside of you... There isn't anything like it in the world. But having two children under the age of one is frightening, this little one is due before Aurora's first birthday in May.

I just hope that whatever is going on out there will be taken care of soon, I'm not sure if I will be able to handle any more grief, or losing anyone else close to me.

~Safira