privacy {nix}

[nixnight]

Nix paused as realised she had lowered her hand again and shook her head at herself before shifting it to rest on the edge of the window beside her and then lifted her head as the boy spoke again, she smiled at his words and part of her was relived that she did have someone to talk about it with now. "that means alot, thanks" she said in a small voice before she shifted herself to sit sideways in the window and then leaned back until her head hit the wall gently.

She had spent many night like this in her room at home in the attic and then many more to hogwarts in different towers when she felt stressed or out of place, she liked the feeling of being surrounded by solid things but still being able to see outside at the same time. "it is rather a comfort to tell someone and not see them freak out" she said with out looking at the boy before she turned her head slightly so she could see him still

[sterling]

Sterling, in sensing that they had a conversation that was going to last a while, decided there was no point in him awkwardly standing around, so he sat back down on the crate he had been on before, only this time turned so he could maintain eye contact with her. When she smiled for a second time he again felt that almost prideful feeling for being the one to put it there. Sterling wasn't sure why he was so concerned with her, not that he was ever a jerk to people or uncaring of their issues, but he didn't know Nix at all, he didn't normally get so involved with strangers. Sterling only smiled in response, really he felt it was being decent.

He half-frowned, however, when she said it was comforting that he had not freaked out when she told him. Had she gotten a bad reception from her parents or the baby's father? Deciding that he wouldn't ask, but rather wait and see if she would tell him, he thought a moment about what he should say. "There's no point in it," said Sterling, "it's not my place to judge." He felt that it was a hard decision that she had made, and if anything, she should be respected for it rather than freaked out at.

[nixnight]

Nix smiled at the boys reply and nodded her head ,"I wish I could see my mothers face, it would be so funny to tell her that only a half blood was the father" she said with a snigger in her voice. She could imagine her parents views on what had happened and add in that it was a pure blood and she knew all hell would break lose but she didn't care, she hadn't cared about them or their views since she was 7.

"but we're all focusing on me now, it not fair for new friends to only talk on one side, you take a turn" nix said as she noticed the boy sit and she smiled ,something about him just made her feel happier. And she hadn't had a reason to be happy in the last three weeks so it was really nice to just talk and feel like someone wanted to listen, it wasn't something she was used to of course but she still liked it all the same

[sterling]

Sterling half smiled, imagining some sort of fussy pureblooded witch with red hair like Nix's. At the words she would pause, her eyes would widen and then she would either start speaking jibberish or faint. He brought himself out of his mental image to look at Nix again, glad to see that she seemed relaxed, or perhaps even happy. Sterling, however, wondered why he was bothering. Obviously the girl was taken, unless she was the kind that took to sleeping around- in which case he wouldn't quite want to get involved with her in that sense. But she needed someone to talk to, that much was clear, and he was willing to provide that.

What he hadn't been expecting, however, was for the conversation to be turned around on him. He would rather listen than talk, though he wasn't afraid to hold up his end of interactions when someone specifically asked what he thought about something. "I'm terribly boring, I'm afraid," said Sterling with a shrug, unsure of where to begin, "I've got four sisters, all older, I play guitar mostly but I do all sorts of music. I, erm, want to be a curse-breaker after school." Sterling stopped there, not quite sure if he should keep going or not, he didn't want to come off as self-absorbed.

[nixnight]

Nix smiled at sterling's few words and then dipped her head ,"I was going to be a broom designer but after this accident, I think I won't have time for a fair few years" she said in a little voice. "but I have an older brother too, he's nothing like me because I'm the odd one of our family. They have a thing and blonde or black hair and when I was red, they all but cast me out" she said with a light but hard edge to her voice before she shook herself and looked back to the boy. "it'll be even harder to work where I wanted to now, what with this and the fact that it was a one time thing and...", nix paused and then pain swamped through her stomahe.

All the plans she had worked on all her life, all the broom designs she had and she wouldn't have a business or a business partner. Just the baby of her old one who still wasn't talking to her, her life was gone. The idea hit her hard and a small well of tears built up in her eyes and she tried to not allow the ravenclaw to see. One druken evening and her while life was gone. A small tear escaped her eyes and then they came flooding down her face and she quickly turned away and curled her legs and arms up tightly

[sterling]

Sterling was relieved when it was apparent that Nix wasn't going to expect him to say anything else, honestly he wasn't sure what else to say that wouldn't be entirely obvious- like the fact that he was a prefect, or one of the beaters for the Ravenclaw team. Those were things that anyone who paid attention knew, and she didn't strike Sterling as the type to wander around in her own little world all the time. He listened patiently as she explained that she would be putting off her career for a little while, told him how she was the black sheep of sorts in her family, how things would be harder for what she had planned because of the baby.

And if Sterling was not mistaken, he thought he saw tears in her eyes, though at that point she had turned her head away from him. Having grown up in a house with five women, he was more than used to crying and other emotional outbursts- typically he would tune them out unless they involved him, but this time was different. Sterling took out his wand and used a quick charm to materialize a box of tissues before standing up and offering it to Nix. "My mum always told me when all the doors are closed sometimes you have to make your own," said Sterling, not sure if this would be comforting to her or not, "maybe this is just the opportunity to do something you hadn't thought of yet."

[nixnight]

Nix felt the cold wall against her face and she imagined the tears freezing against it as they fell, she did want her baby to be born and wanted to give it the life it deserved and yet she was stuck in her own life. She heard sterling move behind her and shifted her head to look at him only to see him offering her tissues, she would have smiled had she not thought of how awful this must have made her look. She felt like she could trust this boy with anything and he was certainly sweet enough, his caring attitude showed that, but she also felt like she was burdening him with her own issues and she didn't have a right to do that at all.
He spoke a little and nix reached out a now pale hand to take a single tissue before whipping at her eyes and then nodding her head stiffly, "it's just that I'm alone. I don't have anyone and who would really want me, but I have to bring up a baby like that too now and it's going to be hard" she said in her weak voice again as she whipped under her nose as a fresh flood of tears came down her cheeks

[sterling]

Sterling found that his heart was aching for this girl, usually tears didn't bother him, but he was hating seeing her cry. But what he hated more was that there really wasn't anything he could do about it. His male brain told him that there was something or someone her needed to fight to make it better, the instincts were primal, certainly, though thankfully Sterling had modernized enough to know the thing plaguing her was emotional- nothing physical he could touch. He placed the box of tissues beside Nix on the windowsill so she could take more as she needed them, his eyes not straying from her. Now was one of those moments where he felt he was being guided solely by his gut, his mind was blank. He wasn't used to going by feeling alone, it was strange. "Well you won't be completely alone," said Sterling. He just knew now that he had become a part of Nix's life, he couldn't ignore her in her time of great need.

[nixnight]

Nix heard the scrapping of something being out down and she whipped her eyes so she could see, she looked down at the tissue box now beside her and then rolled her eyes and took one more to dab at her face. She heard sterling speak and felt like shaking her head but she didn't have the energy all of a sudden ,"it's my problem. Don't you go stressing over things that happen because of me and are now stressing me" she said as she cleaned the tear streaks from her face and then looked up at the ravenclaw.

She hated to burden people with her issues and here was a nice cute ravenclaw who clearly cared for people, worrying over her. Her mind stopped and she gave a quick jolt as realised what her mind had just thought and she wobbled on the windowsill and rocked a little before she tried to stick her hands out to steady herself

[sterling]

Sterling continued to watch Nix carefully, though his brain had seemingly stopped- he wasn't sure what was keeping him going. Sure, he knew that he was a nice guy, but usually he didn't readily offer to be so involved in the life of someone who was a complete stranger to him. Though of course, she had started it by sharing her secret with him. Sterling found himself frowning slightly, however, when Nix told him not to worry about her problems. Frankly, at that point he didn't really have a choice, he couldn't just walk away and pretend this situation had never happened. But before he could say something about it she swayed on the ledge, making him feel nervous again.

Surely that wasn't normal? Though he, of course, was no healer. Sterling could take care of minor mishaps like bumps and bruises, or the occasional broken toe or finger, but beyond that he was clueless. Thankfully, Nix seemed to steady herself, and he felt he could breathe normally again. "You can't think I'd not do anything," said Sterling, "unless you rather would deal with this entirely on your own." Something told him the answer to that would be "no," but he wasn't quite assertive enough to force her to accept anything from himself, came sort of as a packaged deal with his general indecisiveness.

[nixnight]

Nix's hands grabbed tightly one the stone below her and her mind began to race quickly, how could she really be thinking this when Tain hadnt yet replied. He'd said nothing and yes he was miles too old and it had been one night but surely he deserved a say in his baby's life but here was her head moving right on with life and finding someone new in a kind and caring boy who she has only just met. Sterling spoke again and nix frowned and then shook her head ,"it's my problem and you shouldn't have to worry and stress over something happening to just some girl you've randomly met. It's not my place to put this pressure on you..." she said in a voice that trailed off after her final words.

She shifted herself on the windowsill again and turned again, she knew her mind and now as unstable as her body had been only a few moments again and she had to keep her body from falling or hurting itself over an idea that was growing more and more in her head

[sterling]

Sterling found himself feeling more than concerned when he noticed Nix's hands holing onto the stone ledge beneath her. At that point he would have given anything to be able to understand what was going through her head, or at the very least simplify what was going on. Sterling found himself frowning, however, when Nix continued to insist that this was not his problem, that he shouldn't be worried about it. He was a bit surprised at how stubborn she was being about the whole thing, all he wanted to do was help. Sterling wasn't even offering anything ridiculous, just simply to be there for her.

Granted, he didn't have much more besides that to offer, he wasn't working and didn't have anything to contribute financially. "I just want to help," said Sterling, pulling the crate over with his foot so he could be closer when he sat back down. Sterling kept his gaze on Nix, he couldn't help but be concerned, but he wasn't exactly sure what to do.

[nixnight]

Nix shook her head a little too hard and rocked on the ledge again and then turned away from the boy who was being so kind to her, "everyone has always had to deal with me, no one wanted me as a child and no im here and im just getting in to trouble over and over and still no one really wants me" she said in barely more than a whisper before her hand dropped to her stomache again. "he wont even talk to me about it, he doesnt care about it, im going to have to be alone with it"she said before she felt another tear drip down her face and she turned back towards the boy and to the door. "i should leave you now, its not fair i pressure you with all this" she said in a wobbly voice before she lowered her hands to the ledge to steady herself

[sterling]

Sterling felt almost as if he were fighting a loosing battle here as Nix yet again insisted that she would not make her problem his problem. Whether or not she liked it, however, Sterling just knew he couldn't ignore her after this. That wouldn't sit right with him, she obviously needed help- if only someone to talk to, be there for her. She obviously had been rejected before, she had said so, which only intensified Sterling's need to let her know that someone cared, that not everyone in the world was there to turn her away. Sterling just wished that he had the assertiveness to tell her that, like it or not, he was going to be there.

But the way she was acting lead him to believe that she didn't want help. Or at least not from him. He was surprised that the even the thought of it was painful. "I won't stop you," sighed Sterling, figuring that he would have to be a bit more passive in his approach. Perhaps that might mean finding her in the library or out in the grounds, spending time with her when nobody else would.

[nixnight]

Nix listened to the boy and then softly sighed, a small part of her found herself wishing he would fight for a moment and tell her that he would care about her no matter what she said but she that was the mad side of her that had thought he was cute and she knew nothing would come of that side of her head. She pressed down on her hands and wobbled as she moved before she steadyed herself and looked around, the room seemed darker to her now but that might just have been her head saying that she was being too stubborn.

After all, here was a boy who was trying his hardest to offer her help and she was pushing him away because of her family who had hurt her and because of someone who had pretty much changed her life for the worse and now wouldnt even talk to her about it. She shook her head at herself before turning back to face the boy and offering a hand, "it was nice to meet you, and have someone i could talk to" she said wish a slight attempt at a smile