hopel e s s //nix

[prudence]

Prudence sat on the sand, clutching her cloak around herself to keep warm. That morning was slightly chilly, likely owing to the heavy clouds that threatened to rain. They kept her peers inside that Saturday morning, which had made her want to go out. Prudence couldn't make any sense of it, she had dreaded being alone during the summer, though now all she wanted was solitude. She had needed to think, ever since finding out about her pregnancy she had felt lost. She hadn't known what to do, or ever what to think. Though she knew that she only had so long to figure out what she was going to do. Prudence had considered several times ending her pregnancy before it had really began, but each time she thought on it she had terrible pangs of guilt.

Doing that would make her just as bad as the men who had forced the child upon her. Each time she threw up, got light-headed or fatigued her mind went painfully back to what had caused it- the child stood for everything she wanted to forget. But deep down in her heart Prudence recognized that the child was a part of her, a part that now she knew existed she wasn't able to willingly be rid of. Prudence's eyes stung, she did nothing to stop the tears since she was alone.

Never before had Prudence felt so... hopeless. She didn't know what to do with herself, though she did know she was not ready to be a mother, she was only sixteen, still a girl. A girl that had already grown up too quickly, and would continue to need to do so. Prudence hurriedly wiped away her tears when she heard footsteps behind her, she didn't want anyone to see her cry.

[nixnight]

Nix sat in the branches of one of the many trees on the ground and she hung her head, it was certain now. The nausea and headaches and everything was now sure, she was going to have a baby. She looked down and saw the small bump that would be her baby in only a few months and she shook her head, it was amazing what on bad day could do to the whole of your life.

She leaned forwards and dropped down from the branch only to hear a sob on the wind and she turned towards the edge of the black lake only to see a figure sitting down and her normal defensive attitude kicked in and she started to walk towards who ever it was. She stopped quickly and sand quickly filled her shoes when she realised that if it was someone she knew then they would see the change in her weight, it had been three months after all and while it was a small bump, it was still something people could see and notice.

Nix looked down the side of the and saw the person again and another sob hit her ears and she shook herself and started towards the figure again ,"you all right?" she asked in soft voice as she came close. She quickly shifted her robe so it hung over her front and did her best to hide her small stomach bump

[prudence]

Prudence took in a deep breath to steady herself, typically once she started crying it took a long time for her to calm down, but lately she had found it necessary to need to stop almost on command. She didn't want to have to explain herself, to that day she had only told Jonathon the full story of what had happened, and couldn't bring herself to say it again. Prudence bit her lip lightly when the person paused right beside her, it had been one of those times where she had been hoping to be ignored like she typically was.

Was she all right? Truthfully, no, she was not, though she didn't want to have to go through the explanation with Nix. Prudence had yet to tell her close friends, let alone acquaintances, and likely wouldn't tell. It would be hard once her pregnancy began to show, though she had until November or perhaps December before that would happen. She nodded her head once. "I'm fine," said Prudence, thankful that her tone had been steady, making her lie perhaps halfway believable rather than entirely transparent.

Prudence folded her hands in her lap, returning to lightly biting her lip, her gaze fixed loosely on the lake. Its surface was smooth and unmoving, like a black mirror. She was glad that she had gotten herself composed in a couple of seconds, she never had been comfortable crying in front of others.

[nixnight]

Nix smiled as she recognised the voice of the person beside her as a girl she had come across once before, she shifted herself slowly and sat down next to her before shaking her head. "I'm sorry to say but you clearly aren't, no one cries for no reason" she said in a soft voice ,"but I understand if you don't want to talk, I feel the same about life and it's complications at the moment". She gave a long sigh before shifting her robe over her chest again, she knew that was going to become a habit of hers before people began to notice the bump but she really hoped it wouldn't mean people notice sooner.

"you can talk to me if you want, only as much as you want to though. I hardly have anyone to talk to so I won't go telling anyone anything" she said before she paused and then lifted a hand away from her stomach and held it out to prudence beside her. "us girls have to stick together" she said with a small but weak smile

[prudence]

Prudence sighed quietly when Nix called her out on her lie, not that she had exactly expected the redhead to believe her. She had just been under the vain assumption that she would be ignored like always. She had always been under the radar, except of course when it came to bullying, it wouldn't be a lie to say she got picked on more frequently than her peers. Once Nix had finished speaking, Prudence felt compelled to tell her, though her conscience desperately was screaming at her to keep it inside, in all honesty they did not know each other all that well. "We do," Prudence said quietly, accepting the hand that was offered to her.

She took in a deep breath, held it a moment, and released. She could hardly believe that she was going to say it, but she couldn't just keep everything to herself... "I'm pregnant," Prudence said in a tone that was barely a whisper, her gaze locked firmly on the lake, too ashamed to maintain eye contact, "I was raped." Her eyes stung, though she willed the tears not to fall, she wasn't going to cry just then. She just prayed Nix would keep it in confidence like she had said, Prudence didn't need another reason to be preyed on by bullies.

[nixnight]

Nix's heart stopped as prudence spoke again and she leaned over and slipped an arm round her shoulders, she said nothing to her second comment but dipped her head to touch against the smaller girls side. "your not the only one with a baby due" she said in a soft voice before she used her free hand to shift her robe to reveal the small bump coming out from under her dark grey t-shirt.

"I know there's nothing I can say on the second topic that would comfort you, I'm always here if you wanna talk though" she said with a little sigh before she lifted her head away from the other girl just to give her some space. "I won't tell if you don't tell" she said with a slightly happier edge to her voice, she had told the father so far and but hadn't heard back from him yet and so was worried there but she didn't need the entire school to know quite yet

[prudence]

Prudence hadn't realized how much she had wanted to be touched until Nix slipped a comforting arm around her shoulders. She had been shunning most forms of physical contact since July, she hadn't wanted anyone to touch her- not even her hand. But now that she hadn't had the opportunity to reject a comforting gesture it had been something she missed. What Prudence hadn't expected, however, was to hear that Nix herself was expecting a baby. Truthfully, Prudence wouldn't have noticed the small bump had she not been told about the pregnancy- or she might have, but might not have attributed it to that.

"Your secret's safe with me," Prudence said softly, she could almost always be counted on to keep things that had been told to her in confidence that way. And she was counting on Nix to keep her word as well. She rubbed her eye a moment, keeping quiet. She had never been talkative before, and now she was even less so. Prudence took in another steadying breath, still hardly able to believe she had admitted her pregnancy- she hadn't even told her father.

[nixnight]

Nix gave a small sigh as her freind spoke again and she couldn't help but hang her head so she could brush her eyes against her knees and then she gave a little groan. "I still can't believe it myself, one damn night and my life is changed forever" she said a little dry sob.

She shook Her head and then lifted it and looked out over the lake and then considering asking if prudence knew who the father was but she could feel how tense she was just with her arm round her so she didn't think she would. She hated the idea of her own child not knowing who their father was but she knew some mothers just wanted to forget, nix still didn't have the reply from the man she needed so she was stressing over that too at the moment. She bite her lip as she released her arm had tensed around the younger girls shoulders and then took a deep breath to relax herself out

[prudence]

Prudence's insides squirmed, or perhaps that was her unborn child pulling at strings again. Although the baby was tiny, it managed to have a lot of control over her. Make some of her favourite foods nausea-inducing, and other things she normally wouldn't touch what she craved. She bit her lip lightly, still looking out at the lake even as she felt Nix slightly slump over beside her, muttering how she could hardly believe that one night had changed her life forever. She of course, knew exactly what that was like. She had been the perfect student, a good daughter, and now she would be having the child of one of the men who had so brutally taken advantage of her.

Her hand almost instinctively migrated to her stomach although she wasn't far enough along to feel the baby. At this phase she knew only the nausea, headaches, and fatigue. "I know that feeling," Prudence said quietly. She still was not entirely sure what to do with herself, or in a few month's time what would be the child. Prudence just knew that she couldn't bring herself to end the pregnancy, and doubted she would be able to give the child up for adoption once he or she had been born. The uncertainty was driving her crazy.

[nixnight]

Nix gave a soft smile and then lowered her head to bump it gently against the younger girls shoulder, "what a pair we make" she said with a slight chuckle in her voice. She did wonder again about who the father was for prudence as she was a younger student, you heard about 7th years having kids all the time because they thought it was the thing they wanted but nix did wonder how it had come about for someone younger than that. But she know it wasn't her place to ask

"we of all people shouldn't be outside at the moment" she said as another cold wind blew over her side and she shivered, she lifted her head and then dipped a hand in to her pocket to produce a carrot and she sighed at herself. "well, it'll have red hair from all the damned carrots I have to keep eating" she said as she bit off the end of the orange vegetable and shook her head before she leaned away and stretched her arms out a little

[prudence]

Prudence could only nod, she supposed that they would be, in a sense, outcasts together. It wasn't a common occurrence around Hogwarts for students to be having children, at least not that she had ever seen. Though it was almost comforting to know that she was not entirely alone in her position, there would always be someone else that could understand what she was going through. Prudence finally tore her gaze off the lake to look at Nix when she said that they of all people shouldn't be the ones outside. "I'd rather not be around everyone else right now," Prudence said quietly, removing her hand from her stomach so she could fold both of them on her lap.

Something about her peers put her on edge- granted, only a small percentage made her life difficult, but she had been wanting to avoid almost everyone these days, friends included. Prudence did feel guilty about it, normally she would never shove people away, but she had needed some time alone to figure things out. Prudence smiled weakly as Nix commented on the carrots, she herself had already begun eating strange things. She craved peanut butter to no extent, but was not able to indulge in it because of her allergy. "At least they're healthy," said Prudence, "seems all I can keep down is sweets." She hadn't had much a sweet tooth before, but now she couldn't get enough of sugary things.

[nixnight]

Nix smiled as prudence spoke of her issues and then tilted her head to one side ,"I understand the carrots a little bit but I dont understand why it wants pickle onions, that my worst one so far. I mean i can't just carry them around with me, I look odd enough with the carrots" she said with a chuckle in her voice before she nodded to the younger girls words.

She didn't want to be around others at the moment either, she had only one other person who knew about her problem and then the father but he hadn't responded yet so she didn't count him in. She felt odd walking around in the school because no one knew though, it was like having a secret that made her feel like she knew better than them but she understood not wanting to be near them at the same time. "I think that being warm would be better for all four of us, not Inside if you don't want to but warm atleast" she said before she slipped a hand inside her robe and started to consider spells she could try to keep the pair warm

[prudence]

The corners of Prudence's mouth twitched slightly, though the gesture failed to become a complete smile or connect with her eyes. Most of the time she could put on a brave face so at first glance it appeared that nothing was wrong, but Prudence knew that it was her eyes that likely betrayed her in her efforts to act normally. She knew they didn't have the light in them that they used to, they had the dull, world-weary look of an old woman to them. "At least you're getting your vegetables," sighed Prudence, she hadn't so much as been able to look at one since July without getting a sick feeling in her stomach. She had a feeling she would have a picky eater on her hands in a couple years.

That was even odder to think about for Prudence- she wasn't sure that she was ready to be someone's mum. But she had already made the decision that she was going to be, she would just have to come to terms with the fact. "Perhaps it would be," said Prudence, glad that Nix wasn't going to make her go indoors, she didn't want to be around other people at that moment. She supposed that she could conjure up some bluebell flames with a quick charm, though Nix had already drawn her wand, so she kept quiet.

[nixnight]

Nix decided to have a little fun in her warmth and flicked her wand sharply and muttered softly, a bubble of light soon appeared that morphed in to a rather large wolf. It seemed to look at the pair and then laid down on nixs feet and nix could feel the warmth bubbling up through her. The patronus flicked itself so that it was resting against the side of the younger girl and nix then turned her head to her ,"but I don't like vegetables, I like chocolate. And this fussy little thing hasn't let me bad any in months, I'm going to go mad soon" she said with a laugh hidden in her voice as she spoke. It was nice to see that prudence was getting atleast a little happier.

"can I ask about the father? Or isn't it a place to go?" she asked off hand all of a sudden and then she mentally cursed herself for doing so, she had meant to think the words but they had actually come out her her mouth which she had really not wanted them to do

[prudence]

Prudence watched as Nix conjured a patronus which took the form of a magnificent-looking wolf, certainly a hair more intimidating than the form hers took, that being a rabbit. Of course, she didn't mind the friendly creature, and she was proud that she was able to produce a full-bodied form of the charm when there were more learned wizards that could not. She immediately felt warmed from the inside out when the silvery wolf brushed against her side, like part of the happiness that had conjured it had been transferred to her. Though then Prudence glumly realized she likely wouldn't be able to conjure a patronus of her own, it was hard to think about happy memories when he recent ones were filled with such misery. She only nodded at Nix's words, finding that her tongue was refusing to cooperate with her words.

Her throat constricted slightly when Nix asked about her baby's father, though in the same breath inquired if it would better be a topic left alone. She supposed that the questions would come sooner or later, especially when she started showing, but Prudence truthfully had no idea. There had been three men, it could have been any of them, likely the one that had gone first, which made her instinctively shudder. She might not be able to handle it if the child's eyes were like his. "I don't know," Prudence said quietly, looking at her knees as if they were incredibly fascinating, "they were strangers."