Alone (Amadeus)

[natalia]

Spring. Nat rested her head against the icy wall of wherever she was, buried deep beneath the ground. Sometimes she felt like she could almost feel the rich, growing grass. Other times she was sure it was just her mind playing cruel tricks on her, as it often did. Especially when the darkness came, and she saw nothing but what was in her head. Here, locked away in a foreign place, she prefered the unknown of the darkness to the images that haunted her in sleep. The echoing screams she had heard here.

Those had, of course, nearly vanished from reality. Quite a few were extinguished, others moved away for some purpose she couldn’t even begin to imagine. She couldn’t let herself. Still, no matter how long it had been, she found herself biting back the stinging of tears. She had been stupid. She had been careless. But it had been worth it, if it meant Erik was safe. Right? Who all was really looking for her? Did they know she was gone? These thoughts were slowly growing into a plague, consuming her mind whenever she couldn’t find some story to pull from her memory.

Yet, there, in the back of her mind, there was that constant thought. You’re alone. Who would even care that she was gone? She was no one. She was invisible, now literally. She curled her knees to her chest, stone cold floor leeching up through the thin material of her muggle jeans, chilling her to the bone. She shuddered, arms latching tightly around her legs, burying her numb face in her knees. Her breath carried brief warmth, momentarily melting the cold away from her flesh before the ice creeped back in. She wasn’t even sure it was cold outside...it was just herself.

OC: I didn't know what all has taken place since I left. Sorry, I took a stab at it :/

[amadeus]

A lot had taken place during the past few months, a lot had gone on in his head. Ariadne died in the battle, leaving him and his brother the only two of the Malfoy kin left standing, Ascella being in the ground nearly a year and a half at that point. Funny how it was, the attack on the school on the one-year anniversary of his sister's death, and on that day, losing his other sister, the last person he had even begun to be able to trust in the most screwed up family in existence. And still, through it all, Amadeus detested himself. He still cut, still thought about ending it all.

Four times Amadeus had poised the razor over the pulse point of his wrist, been about to slash open where he would bleed out, but yet backed away each time. He really was pathetic, too cowardly to put himself out of his misery... He sighed as he walked to the cellar entrance. In some sort of defiance, he had decided to take the prisoners of the Death Eaters food. Amadeus wasn't able to take much without raising suspicion, but he had nicked six apples from the kitchen. Security had tightened after the last rescue mission, though for now the manor, the cellar included, was quiet- nary a Death Eater in sight.

Amadeus hung his head as he slumped down the stairs and into perhaps the most disgusting thing he had seen. He had known that prisoners were kept here, but he hadn't imagined it would be this bad. Only four remained in separate cells, Amadeus slid an apple to each through the gaps of the bars as he passed, not stopping to see what ghastly state each were in. But he paused before the last one, almost incredulous when he saw Nat. Their relationship was a complex thing indeed. "Nat?" Amadeus said quietly. She looked terrible, but he wasn't much better off himself. He'd lost some weight, his eyes were continually hollow, and his already pallid skin was a bit whiter than normal.

[natalia]

Nat’s head snapped up at the sound of the door shutting. As the other prisoners were removed, freed, or even executed, fewer and fewer guards had found the need to loiter down here. But almost all of the few remaining knew what the sound of approaching footsteps meant. She curled into a tighter ball, wishing she could vanish into herself all together. The footsteps continued, but no one made a sound in response as they came closer. And closer. Normally her heart would race, or she would cry. But she was too tired. She just wanted to sleep...

Nat? The familiar voice sent a shock of warmth through her. She looked up, squinting through the hazy dark of wherever she was. Yes. Maybe it was her imagination, but Amadeus almost glowed in the dark, the only real light she had seen in who knew how long. She stood, legs trembling as she did so, unsure when the last time she had really walked. Sure, she had been dragged around a bit, but she was kicking and screaming every bit of the way. ”Amadeus! She barely recognized the sound of her own voice, especially with the pure...joy, ringing in the empty space. ”Amadeus!” She could barely force her mind out of whatever frozen stupor it had found itself in, thoughts suddenly racing as she clasped a hand to her mouth, a grin on her face so wide it hurt her cheeks that were tight with dirt and tears.

”What in the world are you doing here-?” She could barely think of which of her list of questions she wanted to say first as she approached the bars, grasping the cold metal as she looked at him, grin suddenly fading. The false reality that had begun to cradle her like some dream slipped away as quickly as it had come. ”Amadeus...” she repeated, wanting to reach through the bars, afraid of what she might feel. How broken he looked. He looked far too much like she felt...what she was sure she looked like. Only he wasn’t subject to the torment of others. It was all his own, inflicted upon himself. A look of sadness fell over her face as she looked at him, reaching her hand out.

”Are you alright?” She asked quietly, throat tightening.

[amadeus]

Amadeus' disbelief only increased as Nat seemed, well, happy to see him. There had been a point where they had loathed one another, he had mocked her mercilessly, went out of his way to make her miserable. Granted, they had reached some sort of an understanding when she had walked in on him cutting. She had helped him, and as far as he knew hadn't told anyone what he was doing to himself. If she had, there would have been some sort of intervention. And that was the last thing Amadeus wanted. When he was younger he had craved all the attention he could get, now he would just rather everyone left him alone.

Amadeus swallowed forcefully when she asked what he was doing there, he wasn't sure if he could bring himself to admit that she was being held prisoner in the cellar of his home. It was disgusting, really, to have such evil going on beneath his feet, and how his parents and the other Death Eaters seemed to think he was oblivious of the fact. But before he could answer, she had asked him if he was all right, holding her hand out to him from between the bars. Amadeus examined it, almost apprehensively, so pale a gaunt, covered with months of grime. He felt a surge of guilt. He had told the Order prisoners were here, why hadn't Nat been one of the ones rescued?

Reaching forward, Amadeus lightly took her hand in his, she was cold as ice- granted, he probably wasn't much warmer. Was he all right? Truthfully, no, he hadn't been for quite some time, but was he really allowed to wallow in his own misery when stuff like this was happening in his own home? "Probably a good deal better off than you," said Amadeus quietly, with his free hand reaching into the bag on his shoulder for one of the remaining apples. He navigated it between the bars, offering it to Nat. "It's not much," said Amadeus, "but there wasn't much else I could smuggle in without getting caught."

[natalia]

Nat never would have thought that someone like Amadeus could have been that guiding light after months in the darkness. There had been a time where he had made her plunge into something much like what she was feeling now, but whatever silent truce they had reached when she had bandaged his cuts. Whatever strange moment they had experienced, proving they weren’t alone, even if it was only each other, those who had hated each other. And all that left them at some odd, unspoken truce.

Yet when she saw his face, she could have sworn he might have been her best friend. And suddenly, she couldn’t bear to imagine what had been happening to him. What he had done to himself. What others here in this horrid place had been doing to him. How was he here? How had she not seen him before? She couldn’t hear any coherent questions, trembling slightly at the force it took to stand up, supporting herself on the bars. His hand was warm in hers, sending shivers down her spine as she bit down on her lip, burning tears stinging in her eyes at how helpless she was. How helpless he looked. How helpless everyone was. How much did they think he knew? Her lie of being a messenger for the Order was haunting her, every piece of her body aching to the core with their attempts to get her to spill what she didn’t know, but Amadeus looked as if he might have seen worse than a few unforgivable curses.

His hand remained in hers, the only constant warmth in whatever frozen corner of Hell she was sitting in. Probably a good deal better than you, she wasn’t sure what it was about that sentence, but all she could do was...laugh. A loud, strange sound she hadn’t heard in ages that echoed in the dark cavernous chamber she was in. Maybe she had forgotten how to communicate with people. Maybe she was losing her mind. She was sure both may be possible. She had seen some of the other dragged away, murmuring horribly to themselves, or shrieking in their sleep. ”It looks like we’ve both been receiving the royal treatment,” she squeezed his hand at the dry humor. And then he reached into his bag which she stared at. ”Is that...” He brandished a bright red apple and Nat swore she could cry. In fact, she was, burning tears stinging the cold flesh of her cheeks.

”Thank-you!” She was at a loss of words, holding the apple in her hands. She drew back, cradling it in both her hands as she looked at him, to his bag, to the apple, and back to him. He wasn’t a prisoner. At least, not in the sense she was. She swallowed the burning lump in her throat, wiping lamely at the tears on her face, although they stubbornly continued their silent flow. ”Amadeus...” She ran her hands over the apple, unsure what question she wanted to ask. What she wanted to know. She dreaded almost any answer. Ignorance was truly bliss. ”Will we ever find our way out of here?” She asked, wrenching her eyes away from the apple, meeting his silvery eyes.

[amadeus]

Amadeus bit his lip lightly, what an odd situation this was, mortal enemies, now somehow becoming allies in this. He had never considered himself to be a good person, yet he had taken an enormous risk, going to the Order and telling them where the prisoners were. It was only a matter of time before it was traced back to him, he was sure of it, he was already a dead man walking, why was it that he could not end his own life before they killed him too? He hadn't even become a Death Eater and had already betrayed him. Amadeus had heard the yelling shortly after the rescue mission.

None of the blame had snaked its way toward him, but he knew it was only a matter of time. Amadeus briefly raised in eyebrow as Nat laughed, he hadn't found anything particularly amusing about his statement, perhaps things were worse than he thought. Maybe one of his one remaining allies was beginning to lose her mind, not that he would have a hard time believing that. The Death Eaters did sick things to people, Nat wouldn't be any exception simply because she was young. They were blind to things like that. He half-wondered why she was here, what could she possibly have that they wanted?

Maybe it was ransom, they were holding her to get at someone else. That had to be it, he didn't know what other use the Death Eaters would have for a thirteen-year-old girl. Amadeus' heart sank as Nat expressed her joy at his giving her an apple, tears coming to her eyes as if it was the best present she had ever gotten, as if Christmas had come early. He had to hold back a wave of emotion at both her reaction and the thought of Christmastime, losing a sibling during that time two years in a row had a way of putting a damper on even the most subtle of thoughts about the holidays.

He pulled his hand back when Natalia went to cradle the apple in her hands as if it were a precious thing rather than a common fruit. Amadeus' throat tightened at her words, she was so helpless, she had been good enough to help him when he needed it most, it was the least he could do to get her out of there before he met the same fate his sisters had. "I'll get you out," said Amadeus, quietly, but his tone was very firm, "if it's the last thing I do." He didn't make promises, but his voice suggested that his last statement was.

[natalia]

Nat could barely identify which way was up in this dark place, let alone in her mind. Especially now, some dim glimmer of hope sparked by the most unlikely of allies. And it was only growing. She couldn’t let her mind wander back into whatever dim recesses it had carved out over whatever time she had spent in here, maybe a few weeks, maybe an eternity. She wasn’t sure. Probably a side effect of the loss of sanity, the logical voice in her reasoned. And still, with this small light in the darkness, maybe she wasn’t insane. Maybe there really was hope. Maybe someone out there did care.

Nat could barely make out the odd expression on his face in the dark, but she didn’t need to see to know what he might be looking at her like. She could only imagine what she looked like, and she rather not. Although the unforgivable curses had no effect on her outter-self...the jinxes and hexes had more than done the trick. She looked at the apple, a startling, blaring red in her now icy white hands. That and the shocking, vibrant colour of blood seemed to be the only other bright colour filling whatever strange world she had been cast into. Even blood ran into the darkness, faded quickly from her sight and mind.

Nat wasn’t sure why the red of the apple was so beautiful, or why she was crying now. It was round and smooth in her hands. She looked back up at Amadeus, listening as he spoke. I’ll get you out he spoke. Just as she thought that her tears had passed, she felt them surge forward again, unsure what she had done to deserve the kindness. If it’s the last thing I do she looked up at him, stomach plummeting somewhere into the grimey floor of the makeshift cell. ”But it won’t be!” She said quickly, swiping at her tears, as if being able to see clearly, or as clearly as she could with her head spinning from cold and malnutrition, would make her somewhat more powerful. It won’t be, she repeated, hand grasping the icy bars, the sincerity in her voice slipping rapidly.

Right...?” She asked, barely audible.

[amadeus]

Amadeus flinched a bit as he heard a noise, but mentally told himself to stop being so jumpy, it was merely one of the other prisoners shifting around in their sleep, moaning as they did so. He could hardly imagine what plagued these unfortunate souls during the day, let alone in their dreams. It was disgusting, this place, and having it beneath his feet was unsettling. Amadeus had known of course, able to figure out that the cellar had been turned into a dungeon, not because he was expressly told, but because of the fervent nature in which both his parents told him to never go down there. Draco and Astoria might think otherwise, but he wasn't stupid.

Amadeus watched as the expression changed rapidly in Nat's eyes, from the teary hopefulness to almost a look of dread, immediately coming forward and wrapping her hand around one of the bars. His insides squirmed uncomfortably as she insisted that his act of breaking her out of this hell wouldn't be the last thing he would do, though seemed to second-guess herself as she added a trembling "right?". Amadeus wasn't sure if he had the heart to tell her that it very well could be. Spilling information and keeping it secret as long as he had was one thing, but the Death Eaters would notice a missing prisoner in minutes.

He knew that if they were caught, they'd both be killed, and it would be particularly difficult to sneak her out. They couldn't use a portkey owing to the new enchantments, and even if he did know how they couldn't apparate... Amadeus grappled with his words for a moment, trying to figure out what to say to that. It was hard to think of something in response, he didn't want to crush her, he was her only hope. Unusual for his standards, he reached forward to again take her hand through the bars. "I can't pretend it's not a risk," said Amadeus, leaving his answer at that, vague and not really confirming or denying what Natalia had said.

[natalia]

Nat found herself jumping a foot out of her skin as Amadeus flinched, thousands of images of who might be coming down the stairs flashing through her mind in a split second. What they might do. What they might be. But it was merely her neighbor. She had given up long ago on learning the names of her neighbors, finding it too hard to get attached to those she knew would be suffering far worse fates than her mind could create of it’s own accord. She looked down to see her hand and shot through the bars, grasping Amadeus’ as she had jumped. She looked down at their interlocked hands, glowing an unhealthy white in the dark confines of the cold place.

Nat felt the world tilting beneath her feet. Maybe it was the adrenaline rush of what had just happened, or the lack of food, but for some reason, she wasn’t sure why she felt she might keel over at the thought of Amadeus dying. Dying. Death. It had been a foreign concept to her. But now it seemed to permeate every corner of her mind. This person would be better off dead than where they were. She had watched that man die. Some days, she wished she were dead. The fear that struck her to the core was her loved one’s dying. It was no longer this vague concept that she read about in text books when she had been a stupid, naïve little girl. Death had become a real creature, haunting her every step. But now, Amadeus looked more than haunted. He looked consumed. She squeezed his hand as her eyes clenched shut, no longer capable of holding back the flow of tears that sluiced forward.

”I’m so sorry, Amadeus,” she sniffed, wiping at her tears in vain. She looked up at him, willing to risk his life for her, because she had been stupid. Stupid and expendable. Stupid and worthless. Not only would it be her fault, but, she wasn’t sure why, she felt a pang. She would miss him. Miss knowing that someone knew how she felt. Miss having a friend. ”This is all my fault,” she took a deep breath, once again attempting to regain her composure. She was being ridiculous. He would come out of this alive. Here he was, her hand in his and she was already mourning him. But she wasn’t going to give up that easily. ”We’ll figure something out,” she nodded, unsure what it might be. Unsure where to begin. But she wasn’t going to give up. It had been different when it was just her down here, wishing that Death would drag her into his shade. There was a light.

OOC: I couldn’t think of much, but I was planning on having Nat offer Amadeus refuge with Erik and the Order after she is rescued.

Thoughts?

[amadeus]

Amadeus was quiet, continuing to hold Nat's hand in his. Funny, how life worked, a little over a year ago, the pair had been sworn enemies. He had gone out of his way to mock and degrade her, he had wanted her to be miserable. But now... it seemed that they both had sunk to rock bottom, and had become each other's only hope. Amadeus had never been someone else's light before, he wasn't sure if he particularly liked the position that he was in. If he were to fail, it would mean both of their lives, there would be no mercy.

His mind was already whirring, trying to come up with a plan that was least likely to get them killed. Even through the depression he had been sinking into, Amadeus' mind remained sharp and clever, able to use logic. There was something... But it was mad, he wasn't sure if he could even pull it off, there was a great deal of it that was strictly illegal, all the magic that he would need to use... Amadeus shoved those thoughts from his mind. He would have to do it that way, mad as it was, it just might work... He simply needed to not get caught.

Amadeus lightly shook his head when Nat apologized, going on to insist that it was her fault. If anything, the idea of this had stirred up an unfamiliar spark within him, given him something to live for, if only for a moment. Nat had more potential than he ever would, he needed to save her before he gave up. "I have an idea, it's mad, but..." said Amadeus, trailing off, though he lowered his voice, "We'll need some things, but it'll have to be today." A small lump formed in his throat, this all seemed so sudden and dangerous... He'd flirted with disaster before, but this... This was like staring death in the face.

((OOC: I like the sound of that, and it has triggered a bit more of a plot idea for me... I'm going to PM ya.))

[natalia]

Nat looked down at their interlocked hands through her blurred vision. She felt no warmth coming from his icy pale skin, and she doubted after months of malnutrition she was capable of producing anything rather than the bare minimum required for life. Yet, when they held hands, there was some sort of warmth sparked between the skin on skin, a sensation she hadn’t felt in months. Sure, she had been yanked by her hair to whatever stony chambers were in this dark place, but these masked villains were more than thrilled to use their wands on her. It was a wonder she was alive, and that they had spared her for so long. She was sure it was only because she had claimed to know something of the Order, although Erik had taken every step to ensure she knew as little as possible. But once they knew the truth, or she stepped out of line, she was dead. Or worse.

Stepping out of line. Natalia had been the perfect prisoner, knowing that if she obeyed what they wanted, they might spare her. She might feel the grass beneath her fingers again, or the smell of rich herbs. But she was rotting away. She could see that now, now thinking of an escape plan, her thoughts slowly creaking back into action, having long since been useless. She had been functioning on some dim-witted auto-pilot, survival being her only goal. What in the world could Amadeus do? He obviously knew more than her, but still, she could think of nothing without her wand. How much could a fourteen-year-old girl do? Not much. Was that what she was capable of?

Her eyes lifted from the ground, back up to Amadeus’ face, more visible as he spoke, mind clearly churning behind his light eyes. An idea. That was more than she could think of. Everything else had already been tried by her companions, who had all since been slaughtered on the spot or vanished. ”I think you need to be a little mad to be where we are,” she had intended it to sound as a joke, but most everything she had to say sounded so serious, echoing around her in the dark cavern of a cell. Today. Today. The word echoed in her ears. Had she heard that right? TODAY! Yes, of course!” She nodded furiously, ratty curls bouncing around her face. ”Anything I can do?”

[amadeus]

Amadeus felt his throat tighten, a cocktail of emotions that he had not felt in a long time, coupled with a few that he wasn't sure if he'd ever felt before, was coursing through him. Fear and anxiety, mostly, in fact they were the predominant things, but there was a whole mess of other feelings, feelings that he didn't know what to do with other than to channel them into what could, quite possibly, be a suicide mission. Though he couldn't deny that the emotions were doing something for him, the gears in his head were whirring as they never had before, working out the finer details.

Amadeus attempted to smile at Natalia's words, though his lips formed only a slight diagonal line, the left corner pointing upward momentarily in something more akin to a grimace than a smile. He hadn't actually made a real grin in the longest time, probably not since Ariadne had died in the battle, when he had descended further into his own little slice of hell. It was a lot different than this dungeon, his darkness was all in his head, and while Natalia could be freed from hers, a physical place, he wasn't sure if he could vanquish his own quite so simply.

Though he couldn't deny that as Nat spoke again that her enthusiasm was only serving to fuel the sudden fire that had been ignited within him, a purpose. Amadeus lightly shook his head. "You just need to be ready to run," said he, "I'll take care of the rest." Amadeus lightly squeezed her hand before withdrawing and taking a step back. "I'll come back tonight, after the last guard," said Amadeus, he attempted a smile again before turning away to head back upstairs, he had work to do.

((OOC: So if you want to start a new thread for the rescue now would work, or if you want to keep going in this one you could do a time-skip in your next post. Whichever way is fine with me ^_^))

[natalia]

OOC: I'll start a new thread

[amadeus]

((OOC: Okiee doke, I'll go ahead and lock this one.))