w o r r i e s (Emily/Gabriella)

[weaslebee2]

Through her vision-blurring tears, Emily glared at Blaze, that was a dirty move. Not fair in the slightest. But of course, there would be no way to get around it, spare for opening her mouth and grudgingly eating however much of the sandwich Blaize forced into her mouth when she did. Emily held out longer than she thought that she would have, but eventually opened her mouth, gulping down as much air as possible in a split second.

[doodle]

Just as planned, Blaize forced a good-sized piece into Emily's mouth, probably a bit too generous for the size of her mouth, but he didn't care. He was right here if she started to choke, and he wanted to get as much nutrient-rich food into her as he could in one sitting, preferably the entire sandwich. Baby steps, Blaize reminded himself as he continued to restrain his sister.

[weaslebee2]

Emily slowly chewed the over-large portion of food, trying not to choke on it. Although she hated to admit it to herself, she loved the taste of the butter, the texture of the hard salami, the bite of the pepper jack cheese... She forcefully swallowed the mass, she could feel it slide down her throat. If given voice, her stomach probably would have been singing in thanks, while at the same time pleading for more. Emily could not help the silent tears that spilled over after swallowing. Her breaths came in sharp stutters.

[doodle]

Blaize brushed the hair from Emily's crying eyes, but did not get off of her. He still held the sandwich, glad that she had not spit out the portion that he had forced into her. He lightly stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. "Now, you have one of two options;" said Blaize. "First choice: we can go about doing that whole process again and again. Second choice: you feed yourself the rest of this sandwich. What are you going to do, then?"

[weaslebee2]

Emily took in an unsteady breath, trying to calm herself. To think of all those extra calories, when she had already gone over her limit for that day. She didn't want to eat anymore of anything, not even something safe like celery. She just wanted to haul herself upstairs and go to bed, nothing more than that, nothing less. Maybe do a couple push-ups and crunches when she got up the dreaded staircase. Thankfully, it was only one flight of fourteen steps, not the countless, winding stairways of Hogwarts. "Just give me the goddamn sandwich," Emily grumbled.

[doodle]

"That's the ticket," said Blaize, standing up and handing the sandwich to Emily, but staying close by her. He was going to hover over her until she had finished every last crumb, and then was going to stay with her until it was too late for her to throw it up, thus loosing any progress that had been made. Blaize knew of course, that it was going to take a long time for Emily to get back to where she used to be but this was a crucial step in the right direction.

[weaslebee2]

Surprisingly, Emily wolfed down every last morsel of the sandwich that she had been so refusing of earlier. She was still hungry, but she was not going to allow herself (or Blaize forcing her for that matter) to eat anything else that day. With all the calories in that she would probably have to skip out on eating altogether tomorrow, or maybe just have some celery and some water. Nothing else, she felt the guilt settling in once she had remained seated for a few seconds, and then stood up, with the intention of visiting the loo to force herself to vomit.

[doodle]

Blaize put his arm out in front of Emily, looking directly into her eyes. "I don't think so," said he quietly. He placed a hand on either of her shoulders and then forced her to sit down on the couch. He remained standing in front of her, so he could block any attempts made by her to run someplace to empty her stomach of the food that she had just consumed. No, Blaize had worked too hard for her to go and do that. And as far as he knew, Emily was not bulimic, while he knew it would not be easy by any shake of the stick; at least he would not have to train her stomach to keep food down when it had gotten used to throwing everything up.

[weaslebee2]

Emily dug her teeth into her lip as Blaize forced her onto the couch. She bent forward so she could rest her head on her knees, fighting the urge to cry. The more she mentally told herself not to, the more she felt tears building up behind her closed eyelids. Poor Emily was already at her breaking point, and the sandwich probably put her over the edge. She finally cracked and began to sob, but kept them as quiet as she could.

[doodle]

Blaize wasn't sure what to do, he generally was awkward around crying girls. But this was his sister, she was suffering so much, he had to do something for her, but what was he going to do? Hesitantly, he seated himself beside his sister and placed his arms around her. "I know it's hard Em," said Blaize, voice nothing more than a whisper. "But you have to eat. This world wouldn't be the same without you, whom else would I be able to get up to mischief with? Or whom else would Gabriella have to complain to about dad?"

[weaslebee2]

Emily, after a long movement, brought her head up from her knees in order to bury her eyes into his shoulder. She returned his embrace, and unable to refrain any longer, let out all her emotion, entirely undiluted. Her once excited stomach was now beginning to churn uncomfortably, as if it weren't sure what to do with this kind of food, as if the stuff she had eaten when she was happy were something foreign and uncomfortable.

[doodle]

Blaize rubbed Emily's back with one of her hands, refraining from cringing because he could feel every last vertebrae and rib. That was not natural, it was unhealthy, scary even. He had a feeling that he was going to take a good chunk of time of work, talk to their mother and get Emily to give up her job. He needed to spend as much time as he could with Emily, make her see herself as a human again.

[weaslebee2]

"I don't think you understand," Emily whispered as softly as she could. "It's not that I don't want to stop, I can't. I literally can't." She shook as she took in unsteady, shallow breaths. She knew what she was doing was wrong, but there wasn't a thing she could do. Her habits had spiraled completely out of control. Emily distanced herself from Blaze and yanked up the sleeves of her uniform, showing off the scars and cuts she had done to herself.

[doodle]

Blaize felt as if the bottom of his stomach dropped out as Emily pulled up her sleeves, showing him the wounds and scars that covered her forearms. There were so many, jagged and deep. Blaize gently grasped her wrists so he could more fully see what she had done to herself. He felt tears coming to his own eyes. "Em," said Blaize, but wasn't sure how to fill in the blank, he was entirely speechless.

[weaslebee2]

"It was the only way I could let the pain out," Emily whispered, tears spilling over yet again. She was running out of room to make cuts on her arms, but wasn't sure where else to turn to. Perhaps she should not have cut deep enough to scar, or used magic while they were still fresh to make them go away. She was going to stay away from her stomach, she had already put the word "broken" into it a while ago, that had been her most painful experience with cutting.