s h o c k {open}

[prudence]

Prudence woke in the infirmary with a dull ache in her head and a stomach threatening to vomit She brought a hand to her head, trying to remember what had happened. After a moment the details came back- she had not felt well at all that morning, but had forced herself to go down to Herbology even after throwing up twice in the lavatory. She had gotten about halfway through class when she remembered getting terribly dizzy- and that was where her memory stopped. The only logical explanation to Prudence was that she had passed out.

She laid still, only her eyes moving when the nurse slipped around the curtains put up around the bed she was in, the woman appeared nervous for whatever reason. "Oh, good, you're awake Miss Church," said she, holding up her hand when Prudence attempted to sit up, "please, just lay down, you need your rest. Your iron and blood sugar were both very low, that's why you fainted, I've got a couple of potions I want you to take for that, all right?"

Prudence only nodded, she was no stranger to needing to take potions day in and day out. She had always been a person of poor health. Though the nurse seemed to have something else to say. "But there's something more," said she, getting that nervous look to her again, "Miss Church you're... Well, expecting a baby." Those words hit Prudence like a ton of bricks. No, this wasn't supposed to happen, though it made all too much sense... She had missed her period in both July and August, the nausea, the headaches....

Her brain refused to believe it, even after she had several moments for taking the potions and the nurse explaining to her that she needed to have a meeting with her Head of House to discuss her options. Prudence was in a state of shock, she just sat on her bed in a slightly reclined position, too stunned to even have tears come to her eyes. It was bad enough that she had been raped, but to have a child forced upon her from it... She didn't know what to do. The nurse stepped around the curtains again, still having that nervous look to her.

"Miss Church, you have a visitor, only if you're up to it, of course," said she. She pulled a hand down her face, trying to shake the numbness, though found that her brain was several steps behind, still trying to process the fact that she was, indeed, pregnant. "Erm, yes, send them in," said Prudence, surprised she had gotten the words out of her mouth. The nurse nodded, and then lead back...

[jonathoncampbell]

Jonathon wasn't really completely sure about what he was doing here, but he had to come. There hadn't been a second over the last couple months where his thoughts hadn't strayed to Prudence, his desire to make sure she was okay, to see her with his own two eyes had become so overwhelming, he'd eventually just given into it and apparated to the school. At first he hadn't gone in, and hovered outside the gates wondering what she would think of him just showing up like this, would she even want to know? Or was he simply a reminder of a day she'd want to forget. If he was honest he wouldn't blame her, he was still filled with a deep rage when he thought of what had happened, and that the men responsible had gotten away with it.

Of course as he'd promised himself, he'd taken Prudence home that day, made sure she was safe before leaving once her parents had shown, he'd also taken to writing her letters, though many never made it to her, he had sent a few but sadly had no responses. If she didn't want to know him he'd accept it, he half expected it, but he wanted to make sure she was okay before he walked away. Though this seemed unlikely when one of the Professors patrolling the halls, informed him she'd been taken to the infirmary after passing out, he'd quickly made his way up there.

He instantly knew where she was when he noticed the curtains drawn around one bed. A nurse stepped out and he made his way over to her, "Hi, Prudence Church...can I see her?" he asked, though it was said in a way that implied he wasn't taking no for an answer. The nurse only nodded and let him over to the bed, asking Prudence if she was ready to see someone, to which he heard her reply she was. Smiling politely at the nurse, he stood aside to let her past before stepping behind the curtain, his eyes landing on the pale looking girl in the bed, "Hey...you okay?"

[prudence]

Prudence found her brain quickly coming back up to speed when it was Jonathon that had stepped around the curtains. Truth be told, he was the last person that she had expected to see. Not just because he had already graduated, but she hadn't expected him to want to be involved in her life. The last thing Prudence wanted was to be a burden of any kind. Her stomach which already felt uneasy began tying itself in knots. If she was going to be honest with herself, Prudence in a way viewed him as something of a hero. Jonathon had been the one to come out of nowhere, help her out when no one else would.

Though now with what she knew... She had even fewer expectations that he would be there for her, Prudence wouldn't impose herself like that on someone. Though she couldn't help but feel that there was a certain connection, one that had been made that day in July. It had been a horrid day, Prudence still had nightmares, often cried in the evening with her pillow pressed over her face so she wouldn't disturb any of the girls in her dormitory. They already had reason enough to mock her without them knowing what had happened.

"Erm," said Prudence when Jonathon asked how she was, unsure of how to answer. Truthfully, she had never been more miserable in her entire life, and now with the news that she was going to be a mother... Prudence almost wanted to break down crying and tell him everything- though she wasn't sure that she was ready to have other people know yet. "Not exactly," said Prudence, unable to lie and say that everything was fine. Jonathon of all people knew she wasn't in the best position, aside from her father he was the only one that knew what had happened to her that summer. Though she found herself feeling comforted by his presence, Prudence felt that he was protecting her, simply be being in the same room.

[jonathoncampbell]

Jonathon shot a small genuine smile at Prudence, glad that she remembered him but he couldn't help but notice her shock and surprise, had she really thought after that day he would just forget about her? No that day she'd become part of his life, a part he was reluctant to let go. If he was being honest with himself he half expected her to lie and tell him she was fine, so when Prudence admitted that she wasn't he took the cue to sit down on a chair close to the bed, still keeping his distance as he wasn't sure how she'd react if he sat just that little bit closer, he knew she still had a long way to go in regards to her healing.

"I don't wish to pry...can I ask why? I mean I bumped into one of your Professors, they told me you'd passed out..." he said, clasping his hands between his knees as he leaned forward, his elbows resting neatly on his lap as he looked at her. What was it about her he couldn't shake off, was it just that he felt protective over her, was it knowing what she'd been through or was it simply all those things plus her eyes, if he was honest they'd been the first thing he'd noticed about her, that and the light that should be there was absent. He really wished he could see it put back there again, see her smile because he knew without a doubt her smile would be incredibly beautiful.

[prudence]

The smile that Jonathon gave her, while small, it made her heart about want to melt. Something about his entire person was shockingly genuine, she wasn't used to someone acting this way toward her. Prudence wanted to return it, but found that the muscles around her mouth simply refused to conjure a smile. At any rate, it seemed like it would just be too fake to her. Why should she smile when she had only reason to cry? She brought her hand up to her face to lightly massage her temple, a habit she had had since she was young, as she thought about what she should tell Jonathon.

Prudence wasn't entirely sure that she had come to terms with her pregnancy, having found out only minutes ago. It was a baffling concept, and one that she wanted to keep a secret. She knew in the back of her mind that she would be leaving school, but didn't know what exactly it was that she was going to do. "I haven't been well," said Prudence, "everything just sort of... Caught up to me." Jonathon could probably tell she wasn't saying everything, but Prudence wasn't ready to talk about that part just yet, even though she had an overwhelming desire to tell him- her conscience was holding her back.

[jonathoncampbell]

"everything just sort of... Caught up to me."

Jonathon looked at Prudence closely, he'd always been good at reading people so knew there was something she wasn't telling him, though he wouldn't force her to come clean, he'd simply hope she'd allow him to stick around, and maybe one day she'd finally tell him. He figured he'd learned how to read people growing up, all those social gatherings his parents had forced him to go to, he used to simply stand off to the side of the room and watch people. If he was honest he bet he knew more about those people than they thought anybody could, he could tell you who was sleeping with who, which couple were close to seperation, what they really thought of each other.

Shaking his head he looked back at Prudence, "Makes sense that it would...have you spoken to anyone? A Doctor...a friend...?" he asked, knowing how bad bottling secrets could be. Of course he understood this was something Prudence had to sort through but he knew bottling it inside wasn't going to be healthy for her, "You know I'm here right...if you need to talk to someone...I'm a pretty good listner." he said with a smile, hoping to coax one out of her but he really doubted he would.

He could here the nurse pottering about the infirmary and after inclining his head around to make sure she was out of ear shot, he turned back to Prudence, "How longs she keeping you locked up in here?" he asked, remembering his many times locked in the infirmary after an accident or a duel gone badly.

[prudence]

Prudence got the distinct feeling that she was being read, and although she and Jonathon had barely spoken she supposed that their relationship was bound to be more intimate than any other acquaintanceship that she had had before because of the way they had come to know each other. Nevertheless that did not stop the feelings of intense guilt from mixing in with the already unpleasantness in her gut- especially when Jonathon inquired if she had spoken to anyone, and told her that he would be there for her to talk to should she feel like it. His words touched her in a way that almost made her want to cry again.

She kept her composure, however, and shook her head lightly in response to whether or not she had spoken to anyone. It wasn't from lack of trying, however, several times her father had tried to coax the events of that day out of her, but each time Prudence's voice would fail her. She did have a few friends that she might trust with the information, but Prudence couldn't manage to tell them even the gist that her father knew. All they knew was the aftermath, not the cause. She awkwardly attempted to return Jonathon's smile, though her efforts were half-hearted at best, the corners of her mouth barely twitching before the expression faded away again.

"Likely the rest of the day," said Prudence quietly when Jonathon asked how long she would be stuck in the infirmary. The nurse wasn't the strictest one Hogwarts had ever seen, but she was adament about Prudence getting her rest. Especially after the breakdown she had had in April of the previous term. The nurse knew how fragile she was physically. Prudence bit her lip lightly, she wanted to tell Jonathon everything, something about him made him seem so trustworthy, the way he had been to her, she felt that he deserved to know the whole story from start to finish.

[jonathoncampbell]

"Likely the rest of the day,"

Jonathon nodded his head, shooting her another one of his warm smiles, "Well I really hope your up for some company because I happen to have the entire day free, I'd like to stick around if you don't mind?" he asked her though if she really didn't want him there he could understand that to. All he wanted to do was make sure she was okay, to keep her safe, and prove to her he was someone she could trust. He knew she was in pain, could still see it in those beautiful eyes of hers, and wanted so badly to take it away or at least make those responsible for putting it there pay...unbeknowest to Prudence...he'd been looking for them.

He had fought the urge to hunt them down the day he had found Prudence, that didn't mean he wasn't going to full stop, actually any free time he had was spent down Knockturn Alley. There were all kinds of filth down there, many of the people there were capable of anything, but only a few he'd seen may be capable of inflicting what had been put upon Prudence. When he knew for sure, he'd make certain they paid.

"One benefit I used to love, when I got placed here was the no school work...I had the perfect excuse for my homework being late!" he told her, there'd been many times when he'd claimed his homework must have been misplaced during his stay in the infirmary, just to get out of doing it or suffering through any kind of detentions.

[prudence]

"I don't mind," said Prudence, in fact she welcomed the company, especially since it was from Jonathon. They didn't know each other well, but something about him put her at ease. Or perhaps it was the slight drowsiness she felt as a combination from the potions and several weeks' worth of not getting a proper night's sleep. But Prudence didn't want to be alone, and she likely would be had Jonathon not come unannounced. She made up her mind then that she would give him the full story, she just hoped that her voice wouldn't give out like it had all the other times she had tried. "It sort of stresses me," Prudence said quietly, "I don't like being behind."

She chewed on her lip, wondering where to begin, but she wasn't going to back out now. "I, erm, think you need to know what happened that day," said Prudence in an even smaller tone. She took in a deep, slightly shuddering breath, nervous about finally describing what had happened fully. "The Floo went wrong, maybe I didn't speak clearly, I came out of the network in a Knockturn Alley shop. The alleys were so confusing, and God they were so dark. I remember feeling like someone was watching me the whole time, like I wasn't alone."

Her voice was trembling slightly, but it felt good to be able to talk to someone, to not have to carry everything herself. She took in another deep breath before continuing. "I was disarmed before I had gotten far, I felt so much dread when I couldn't see where my wand had went, nothing matches that hopelessness. It was then I saw the first man, I'll never forget his face, those bulging eyes and rotted teeth..." Prudence paused and shuddered, "I tried to run from him, but that was when his friends stepped in, they held me so tightly I couldn't move. The first man smelled my hair, he s-said that I smelled clean, like virgin snow." Prudence paused again, hardly aware of the tears that were falling down her cheeks, she needed to say this, but would need a moment to collect herself before continuing.

[jonathoncampbell]

When Prudence had replied that she didn't mind his company, Jonathon had smiled and leaned back in his chair, his muscular arms crossed over his broad chest, he was happy she'd not turned him away like he had half expected. As she went on to explain she didn't like falling behind in school he nodded his head, already having gotten this from her, he didn't like to label, but Prudence seemed like the type of girl who would have looked at him in horror had they been in school together, he had after all been quite a rebel.

The smile he wore quickly slid from his face when she began to talk about that day, he leaned forward carefully in his chair, listening intently as she spoke, his hands clasped tightly together as he listened to the horror she'd experienced, his desire to get the men responsible as strong as ever. As she spoke his eyes stared blankly to a spot on the cuboard, he was enraged to hear it all despite knowing what had happened, he felt sick and most of all heart-broken he hadn't been there to find her. Why couldn't he have walked into her life before this, perhaps he could've prevented it.

There was a pause and he looked up sharply, his heart breaking for her all over again when he saw the tears that had fallen. Without thinking about what he was doing, Jonathon reached forward, and wrapped his hand around her much smaller one, giving it the smallest of squeezes, to let her know he was here. He didn't speak, he instead gave her the moment she needed to collect herself, all the while making sure she knew he was there for her 100%.

[prudence]

Prudence wasn't sure what she was expecting to get from Jonathon as she told him the full account of what had happened. Though she found that her nerves and the guilt was slowly ebbing away, and she her voice had yet to fail her, which she took as a good sign. Perhaps this meant she was entirely ready to say what had happened. She still wasn't sure that she could bring herself to tell him that she was pregnant, that might have to be her little secret, if only for a while. Prudence had no idea how he would react, Jonathon already seemed angry. Even that wasn't a strong enough word, he looked almost enraged. But when he took her hand... Prudence felt she had been given the strength she needed to finish.

"He said I wasn't the most womanly thing he'd ever seen, laughed when he touched my cheek. It was the worst sound, worse than nails on a chalkboard," Prudence paused to shudder again, but didn't have the same difficulty resuming, "he said I had a pretty face and soft skin. And then h-he put his hand up my skirt on my thigh, it was a terrible feeling- that moment when I just knew what they were going to do to me, and that there wasn't anything I could do. It's just a hopelessness like nothing else."

She stopped to close her eyes a moment and take in another deep breath. "He whispered "virgin snow" in my ear, his breath was horrid, hot and wet, smelled like stale liquor and cigarettes. And then he kissed me, pressed his lips so hard against mine, I almost couldn't breathe. That was when they tore off my skirt," said Prudence, her voice practically shaking, "I'll spare the other d-details." She didn't want to described specifics after that, and doubted that Jonathon would even care that she decided to omit the graphic details. Prudence squeezed Jonathon's hand, glad he had taken hers, the physical support had been what she needed.

[jonathoncampbell]

He listened as Prudence continued to speak, glad when she didn't move her hand from his, he needed to hold it, if he couldn't do anything else to take her pain away the least he wanted to do was make sure she knew he was there for her, supporting her no matter what. He was in her life now, she was a part of his and somehow had become a huge part, he knew that was not going to change any time soon. Whatever it took, however long he had to spend, he was going to help her get better, help her understand that as hard as it was she was going to move on from this one day, he'd make sure of it.

"I'm so sorry Prudence..." he sighed quietly shooting her a sad smile when she squeezed his hand back. It was another sign that he was doing the right thing in being here. "I wish I could've stopped this from happening to you but it has and there's nothing I can do to change that. I want you know though I'm here 100%, whatever you need, you simply have to ask." he told her, now holding her small hand between both of his.

The game season was a little slow at the moment, training was still hard but he wasn't away from England as much lately, which meant he could stand by his promise, he'd be there for her anytime she needed him. "You need someone to talk to, someone to yell at...I'm your guy okay, day or night don't you hesitate."

[prudence]

Prudence no longer knew what to do or say, but it had been such a relief to simply speak, tell someone what she had been put through, explain the utter helplessness she had felt, and continued to feel. What she had seen, smelled, heard, and felt, was no longer her burden to carry alone. To Prudence it had felt to be the most difficult and the easiest thing in her life to do at the same time. It was almost the classic brain/heart conflict, her mind had practically been screaming at her to stop, but it was her heart that had made her keep going. She brought her free hand to her cheeks to wipe the tears away, even in explaining the memories were painful.

Normally things she had experienced faded with time, though this... The images, sounds and smells were as fresh in her mind as the day they had happened. The terror of it haunted her nearly every night, what she would have given for a full night's rest, she didn't even need to have normal dreams, blackness would suffice. Prudence's watery gaze met Jonathon's when he spoke, she was genuinely touched by his words. Never before had someone offered something like that to her. Though her mind was still uncertain, in her heart she knew she trusted him.

Prudence could see that honest look in his eyes, it was almost as if he understood her pain, and again she felt those pangs of guilt. She could see that all he wanted was to help, and thus needed to know everything if he was going to be able to do that- but it was now her voice refusing to cooperate. Prudence did suppose she had just shared an awful lot that she had never spoken about before- though all the same that guilt... She could only nod in response as she attempted to control the flow of tears from her eyes.

[jonathoncampbell]

Jonathon squeezed Prudence's hand again, his thumb gently grazing over her knuckles, in a comforting gesture. She'd finally opened up to him on what had happened, what she was going through, she didn't have to and he found it promising that Prudence felt like she was able to talk to him. Maybe now she could try to begin moving forward with her life...leaving this horror, this nightmare behind. He hoped she could, but if she struggled, at least now she knew she had him to help her carry this burden, he was here.

Something inside, something in her eyes was telling Jonathon though that there was more for him to know, more she had yet to tell him. "I'm glad you told me Prudence...I'm always here...you can tell me anything...you know that now right?" he asked her. Ruffling his hair with his hand as he looked at her, to say he was only a slightly bit nervous would have been an understatment, something about her, something about knowing she had something else to tell him was worrying him slightly, although he hid it exceptionally well, he didn't want her worrying.

[prudence]

Prudence found herself grateful for Jonathon's hand wrapped around her own, though she likely would not be comfortable if he got any closer- regardless of how safe she felt around him she was still wary of physical contact, even from people she knew. She pressed her free hand over her eyes for a moment and when she drew it away she was no longer crying, though she very much wanted to. Having been raised by only her father since she was seven left Prudence reluctant to share her emotions, her father wasn't exactly the sentimental kind, he was too logical for that. Her insides continued to squirm when Jonathon spoke again. He needed to know...

She nodded as she tried to find her voice again. How would he react to hearing the news? Prudence felt that she could barely handle it herself, and she saw the almost rage in his eyes when she had described what had happened- would knowing her condition make him angrier? She didn't want him to do anything irrational, he seemed to be the type that might act on impulse. But she knew that she couldn't not tell him. A long pause lapsed as she struggled to get the words from her brain to her lips. "Jonathon," Prudence said very softly, "I'm pregnant." Her gaze fell to her knees, it was too much to ask of her to maintain eye contact.