always darkest {hailey}

[amadeus]

Amadeus peered out the window of the south tower, unfortunately they didn't open, otherwise he might have jumped. Really, he had been pondering suicide ever since he had revealed Natalia's location to Professor Truelove that dark night at Ariadne's graveside. He knew there wouldn't be much time before it was eventually figured out what he had done, but he didn't want to sit around and wait for Jezebel or one of her cronies to take him out. Didn't want them to have the satisfaction. Mostly, he was all right with the idea of dying, but there was a part of him- however small- that feared it.

Not so much what would come after her allowed himself to bleed out in the dusty, abandoned tower room, but as to what would be left. Would anybody care that he was gone? Did anyone care enough to notice he hadn't been in classes all day, absent from supper, and hadn't returned to his common room at curfew? Did any of them know the emotionally distraught blond boy had been alone in this tower for hours, debating whether or not to slide the razor over those two final places? Likely not. Amadeus had pushed everyone away, cut every tie, burned every bridge.

Now there was only one left.

Sighing lightly, Amadeus tugged up the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows, pale gaze meeting the scars he had put there. The oldest ones were permanent scars he had made the weeks after Ascella's death, smooth and pearly white. Some were fresher scabs, others old wounds on their way to that final resting phase. He pulled out the razor from his pocket, examining it in the dim lighting of the single oil lamp in the large, circular room. Amadeus had done this three times before, each time backing out owing to his own weakness, his own fear.

Could he go through with it this time? Amadeus didn't see the point in going on, not anymore. He turned the razor over in his fingers a few times, not even wincing as the corners caught on his knuckles. He was too used to the pain, but it was all going to go away soon... Amadeus brought the corner of the small blade to the corner of his left wrist. All he need do was slash, and quickly go to the other side... But before he could make that ultimate decision, the old door squeaked open, though he didn't have time to hide his blade before he was joined by another person...

[hailey]

It had been a long, difficult few months. Even Hailey with her usually bubbly personality was finding it difficult to laugh and joke about things. She still played around, yes, but there was an underlining sadness to everything. The battle had left horrifying images in her mind, things she had never wanted to see. They haunted her dreams at night, though she did her best to hide it. She had suffered through depression before, and she would fight through it again. But, would she be able to pull through just as well as she had before? She may have lost her father at that time, but she had never seen his bloodied, mangled body. No, she had never seen the look of death until that battle. And, it made her think things she never wanted to. Question things she had all but forgotten.

What had her father looked liked when he had died? Had he been torn and broken from the crash? Had he been bloodied and beaten beyond recognition? Tightly shutting her eyes, the dark-haired teen forcefully shook her head, trying to rid her mind of such horrid things. Besides, she had other things to worry about. Amadeus had been missing the entire day, and it had gotten to the point of worrying her. She was used to not seeing him often, his distance becoming larger from most everyone. It saddened her much more than she let anyone believed, but it hurt to think that he was becoming so disconnected from everyone, so disconnected from her. They had been so close in their own, awkward, special sort of way, but now...He hardly ever looked at her, let alone speak to her. Hailey had done her best to try to rebuild the connection he had severed, but when he refused to accept it, she had learned to leave him alone.

Trying to fix him her way wasn't working, and it was obvious that it wasn't. So, she gave him the space he seemed to want, allowed him to heal what he could before she tried to help once more. The Ravenclaw kept her eye on him, though, watching for any sign of trouble, or anything that would signal her to go back in to help him. She hardly saw anything, though. At least, from what she could see. He had seemed a bit more depressed, a bit more withdrawn those past few days, though. And, his disappearance for that day had raised her alarm. That was what she was now doing. She had looked everywhere she thought he would be and even in some places she knew he would never be. At that point, Hailey was starting to panic, afraid that something bad happened and she was ready to go find a professor to help.

That had been the plan, anyways, before she climbed into the South Tower where she saw that familiar blonde head of her friend. Letting out a sigh of relief, the girl smiled as she opened her mouth to call to him, until something metallic in his fingers caught her attention. Hailey felt her blood run cold as she saw the blade that hovered over his wrist, sending a sickening feeling into the pit of her stomach. "A-Amadeus? ...wh-what are you doing?!", she sputtered out as she rushed to him. He was cutting himself?! When had this started?! Why hadn't he told her?! So many things were running through her mind and she felt a sharp pain in her chest form, bringing forth tears that pooled in her eyes. Her friend...her dearest friend was hurting himself...

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[amadeus]

Amadeus didn't turn his head when the door opened, only sighed at the fact that his solitude had been interrupted, that he would have to suffer longer than he already had. Killing himself he knew would be a selfish deed, but even more so in front of someone else. Too many within the school had already seen death. Suicide was an act best done without witnesses. Though he didn't bother to hurriedly tug down his sleeves or stuff his blade back into his pocket, no, whoever it was had likely seen already. Amadeus cursed his luck, people seemed to have a nasty habit of walking in on him at precisely the wrong time...

Though the hurried words made him involuntarily flinch- Hailey. Amadeus blinked, looking down at his left wrist. When he had flinched he nicked the outside corner of where his hand joined his arm. It began sprouting a small bead of blood, but it was trivial, something that wouldn't even scab, much less than anything he had ever inflicted upon himself. Amadeus drew away his razor, still holding it between his fingers, biting down on his lip as he looked over at the girl he had once considered to be his closest friend, not sure how to answer.

Contemplating suicide for the fourth time. Really, in simplest terms, that was what he had been doing. But could he really say that? No, Amadeus decided. This was exactly what he hadn't wanted, another person knowing. After Ariadne had died, only Natalia knew, and he had wanted it to stay that way. He knew how much Hailey cared for him, she was his best friend, she would want to help him. She would tell. Though of late Amadeus had been almost bluntly honest, not being able to find it in himself to lie the way that he used to.

Amadeus bit down more firmly on his lip when even in the dimness of the room, he saw the tears in her eyes. Had he really hurt her that badly? Did she really still care? Perhaps she always had, but it had been him not allowing her to do so, continually pushing her away as he had done with everyone else. Suddenly almost ashamed of himself, Amadeus could no longer hold her teary gaze and looked down, examining his feet. "It's obvious, isn't it?" said Amadeus, his voice soft, lacking emotion.

[hailey]

Hailey didn't know what to do. She wanted to scream and yell at him for doing something like this. She wanted to shake him and ask why he was doing this to himself. She wanted to cry and bawl until she couldn't cry any more. There were so many other things she wanted to do, but she could hardly get her head around all of this, let alone decide on what to do. Resting her hand over her mouth, trying to keep herself under check on not go into a crying spell, the dark-haired teen lightly shook her head. "Oh, Amadeus...", was all she could utter before she quickly closed the space between them, tightly wrapping her arms around him. Hailey didn't know what to say. What could she say? Her dearest friend, the boy she cared so deeply for was hurting himself and was obvious in some much emotional pain.

For a moment, Hailey blamed herself for this all. She had failed to see that he had needed her, she had failed to help him. And, that had to be the reason why he had been cutting himself. "Wh-why? Why didn't you t-tell me, Amadeus? I c-could've helped.", she cried, her arms remaining around him. She didn't want to let him go, afraid that he'd try to run away from her, try to push her away like he's been trying to for so long...

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[amadeus]

Amadeus felt his throat constrict slightly, he didn't know what to do with himself- it was like when he had faced this very situation with Ariadne all over again. How she had made him show her the marks on his arms, torso, and legs... As Hailey tightly enveloped him in an embrace Amadeus lightly closed his eyes, though he didn't tense. What was he supposed to do? Thankfully it seemed that she hadn't realized he had been planning to end his life, she was already a wreck because of his self-harm. If only she knew the extent of the damage, what had been done, what he would have done had she not interrupted...

Amadeus opened his eyes at her stammered series of questions, an unfamiliar feeling settling uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. Guilt. He swallowed forcefully, trying to find his words. "I-I just felt too far gone," said Amadeus, stumbling over his own words for a minute. Everything had gotten dreadfully complicated, and with all the pain he had been carrying around, death seemed like the easiest way out. He wouldn't have to deal with any of this anymore, there would be an end to it all.