Happy Christmas (Amadeus)

[natalia]

Cabin fever. That had to be what this was. Nat was driving herself insane with attempting to find the logical reasoning behind the weakness in her knees or the sweating of her palms. She wasn't sick...she didn't have a fever, although her cheeks were often burning. Some mornings she felt like she would explode, and without Elliot there to explain things, Nat was slowly developing into a hypochondriac. She had to be sick. That was it.

Nat tucked a whisp of her dark hair behind her ear. She hadn't bothered to try anything to tame it. She had found herself falling into a lazy rut since being home, especially without Erik and Elliot there to lecture her on keeping the home clean. She wouldn't have had time to make the curls resemble something like hair. Her stomach tied into nausiating knots as she remembered the rush to get out of the house this morning. It's not as if she had never seen a man without his shirt-She had lived with her brother and with Erik. She wasn't sure what it was about Amadeus on his way out of the bathroom that had made her feel like she might vomit.

And here they were. In silence in Diagon Alley. Ice cream was a stupid idea, she knew. It was becoming more clear now as the harsh wind lashed angrily at her face and hands. Christmas Eve had left the entire alley near deserted, except for those few procrastinators and window shoppers that seemed to find pleasure in the bitter weather. Ice-cream was the last thing she needed in the cold that was chilling her so deeply. But then again, she hadn't been thinking. It was that cabin fever.

She hadn't said much to Amadeus after the incident. She doubted he knew it was an incident. She'd merely suggested an outing and was already out the door, pulling on her shoes as she went. She was regretting the lack of a coat as they braved the angry winds. She dared a glance over at him, as if to gauge what he thought of his first Christmas away from home. Secretly, she had gotten him a present, but she wasn't sure how to present it to him. Now it seemed as if her idea was the most ridiculous idea she'd ever had. When had she become so stupid?

"So what do you normally do for Christmas?" She asked as they ducked into the ice-cream parlor, grateful for the shelter from the pale cold of England. Oh, how she missed Italy, although it was slowly becoming a fading memory in the back of her mind. Life here seemed to be all she could ask for. She looked up at Amadeus as they conquered a table tucked safely in the back crevice of the unused shop. She was indeed the only one crazy enough to think ice-cream was good this deep in the winter. It was the cabin fever....

It seemed impossible to keep her eyes on the menu, her thoughts bumping violently into each other, almost sadistically tormenting her already twisted head. What if he was miserable with them? He didn't seem miserable...everything was so...normal. They talked. They joked. They laid around and did nothing. Yet the worry was seated deep in her stomach. What if her present was stupid? It would be. She had gotten something like it for Erik last year, but Erik was supposed to like everything she did. She glanced up at him, wondering if he could read her as easily as she seemed to him. She hoped not. She was losing her mind.

Bloody cabin fever.

[/size]

[amadeus]

Family was a concept that Amadeus wasn't all that familiar with. Sure, in the nuclear sense he knew how it worked, parents, siblings, but things in the Malfoy home had never been cuddly or affectionate. The closest he had had were his bonds with his sisters, and they were gone now. Ascella had been his favourite, as wrong as it seemed to pick a sibling that one liked the most, but he had bonded quite closely with Ariadne after the second youngest of the family had been murdered. Honestly, she had probably been the reason that he hadn't killed himself, Amadeus hadn't wanted to put her through the pain of burying another sibling.

Yet she had done the same to him. Ariadne's death wasn't the direct result of a suicide, but it might as well have been, given the way that she had run from the Death Eaters. Nobody did that and got away with it, and fate had caught up with her. Amadeus still didn't know what she had been doing at Hogwarts during the attack, he likely never would. He just hoped that it didn't have anything to do with him, he couldn't take that sort of guilt, it was hard enough to hang on to life as it was.

Though of late, Amadeus had felt a more emotional sense of family in what he had been provided by the Trueloves. It had been Nat's idea to take him in after he had gone through his fallout with Draco and had essentially ended up homeless- Amadeus had been reluctant at first, but he had been so blindly accepted. Though he did suppose that it was almost returning a favour in a way, he had saved Nat. But it seemed more than obligatory, did this mean that they genuinely cared for him? It mattered to him more than he could, or was even willing to, say.

He wondered if they knew how much he had needed something like this, that he had been a fraction of an inch away from ending everything. But now... Amadeus had something to fight for, he wasn't going to give up. He glanced at Nat as they both walked without coats through Diagon Alley. The outing had been her idea, and she had left so quickly that he had only had time to step into some shoes to follow her. It was probably stupid to walk around alone, there was no telling where a Death Eater could be, but Nat had seemed so intent to leave, and to be honest they could both probably do with the fresh air and opportunity to stretch their legs.

Amadeus thought vaguely perhaps he should give her his sweater, but that would leave his arms bare, and he wasn't keen on broadcasting to the world that he cut. At any rate, they had ducked into the ice cream parlour, and the air was pleasantly warm inside. He joined Nat at the secluded table, she looked oddly beautiful when she let her curls do as they pleased- the life was beginning to return to her eyes, they were haunted as his own, but no longer completely lifeless.

They had seen a lot in their short years... Amadeus blinked when she asked what he normally did for Christmas, trying not to cringe. There had been a time where he enjoyed the stuffy parties with other filthily rich purebloods, wasteful feasts, and lavish presents, but now it all seemed so shallow and frivolous. "All the ceremonious things people like them are apt to do," said Amadeus with a slight shrug as he glanced at the menu without really reading it.

He hadn't referred to Draco and Astoria as his parents in forever, instead assigning them the neutral pronouns, they were no family of his. Not anymore.

[natalia]

Life had been wonderful at home. At first, when Nat had taken time off from school to lay in bed and try to regain her strength, she had felt as if life was pointless. She had done nothing but stare at the ceiling, listened to the worried whispers of healers, Elliot and Erik. But being back, and watching how enthusiastically Erik and Elliot had embraced Amadeus without a warning in advance, she'd remembered how wonderful it was to be home. The nightly guitar lessons with Erik, although they were slowly becoming less useful. She'd seen the new guitar he'd been trying to keep hidden, without much success. Her hours of practice in the music room at Hogwarts didn't go unrewarded. Her present for Amadeus was dependent on that guitar, which she would have to help herself to if Erik and Elliot were away for any longer.

She hoped he liked it. She'd never actually sung for anyone else. She'd sung to herself, and the song she'd found seemed useless without the lyrics. It was the lyrics that she hoped he would like. She wondered if he liked anything. It was beautiful, the way they had opened their arms up for him. She wanted to show him the same warmth she found in family. She wanted to be that warmth, the way he had been for her. She shook her head slightly, as if the physical action would chase away the thick jumbled knot of thoughts from her mind. She wasn't sure how, but somehow Amadeus touched some deep recesses inside of her.

She shoved a hand through the unruly hair, the curls falling back into place. After finding herself staring at the menu, she wasn't sure she was capable of reading the words. Her head still felt as if it was levitating above her body, mind intangible and in some distant faraway place. It was hard to keep her thoughts on track, especially with his eyes on her. After a few more minutes of pretending to search for some ice cream, she looked up. He looked a little taken aback at her question, as if she was asking about something from a distant past. She was. How much she was sure had happened to him since a normal life probably dwarfed her own problems.

All the ceremonious things people like them are apt to do

Nat wasn't sure how to respond. She studied his face for a split second, which didn't seem any different from how it normally was. He'd built a wall. One seemingly impenetrable to all who dare attempt. But the truth was in his silvery eyes. She nodded. "Sorry to say we don't do anything too fancy" she managed a small smile, her cheeks heating for some unknown reason. She pressed one hand to her cheek, wondering exactly how warm this place was. ""It'll be even smaller this year. I reveived an owl from Erik yesterday. They're going to be a while," she grinned. Their love was...beautiful. Nat had never given love a thought. It seemed as fantastical as the books she read, and her birth parents had only reinforced the idea. Love was not practical. It was not logical. It had no place in this world. Maybe only a select few could understand it. Erik and Elliot were definitely one of those few.

She paused as she spoke, picking up the menu to make herself look busy. "They sent your presents, so we'll still be opening those tomorrow..." for some reason, she found the next sentence almost impossible to say, some unknown knot in her core drowning her voice. "I also got you something," she said offhandedly, quickly turning over the menu, once again pretending to read it, although she hadn't seen a single word on the phase. She didn't dare look up. Not with how her head spun and how her stomach twirled. She felt as if she might be sick, as she had right before she'd plunged out the door into the snow. She had to be sick...

[/size]

[amadeus]

Amadeus was quiet as he tried not to dwell on what his life used to be, and what it had become. He'd betrayed the Death Eaters just as his sisters had, he was a marked man and he wasn't even sixteen years old. But the moments that he had with Nat seemed to make his betrayal worth whatever fate he would eventually receive. The feeling of having almost a proper family again, one that wouldn't be out for his blood, one that seemed to genuinely care for him, seemed to want to keep him safe, shelter him from the death that he would eventually meet in spite of their best efforts...

Though he had settled in nicely. Erik and Elliot hadn't been around for quite some time, having left on their honeymoon, so for a long while it had been just him and Nat, which he had found almost enjoyable in a way. She was the only person who knew the real him. Sure, there was Hayley, but she didn't understand the same way that Nat did, she didn't know the feeling of the all-consuming darkness, what it was like to have to cause physical harm to herself just to be able to feel something...

Amadeus did still cut, perhaps not as much as he had used to, but at this point he didn't foresee it as something he would be able to stop. It was as if he needed to check that he was still alive. Yes, he could still feel pain, could still bleed. He had yet to fade away completely. It might not be healthy, but Amadeus was past the point of caring. At any rate, Nat was the only one who saw, and she understood when no one else would. He continued to pretend to examine the menu, but his silvery grey eyes weren't moving.

Amadeus met Nat's gaze when she spoke, and he smiled. It was small and brief, the corners of his mouth only momentarily pointing upward before his lips formed the straight stoic line they normally held, but it had been genuine. "Honestly it's preferable that way," he responded, holding Nat's gaze for only a moment longer before looking back down at the menu fruitlessly. He wished he knew what to do with himself and everything that he was feeling- what Nat made him feel. She stirred up things within him that had been dormant for quite some time, perhaps the entirety of his life.

He couldn't get her out of his head, even though they shared the same home, even though he spent more time with her than he had with anyone else. Amadeus wasn't sure what to do. So he did what he always did, kept it to himself, buried deep beneath everything else. Over the years Amadeus had become a very guarded person, he had shut everyone out, internalized everything... Though he had found some tentative form of an outlet for everything in his head in the form of the piano back in the flat.

Amadeus had had lessons in his youth at his mother's insistence, but he hadn't ever really played until recently. He wasn't sure if anyone even knew, Amadeus didn't play for an audience, only when he was sure that everyone had gone to sleep and the insomnia had him wide awake would he take his fingers to the keys. He wondered if Nat had heard him play, if she laid awake like he did night after night... The thought was vaguely embarrassing, but he did not blush, he never really had, and he remained as white in the face as ever.

Amadeus nodded when Nat said Erik and Elliot had sent presents, he wasn't sure what to feel about that, he almost didn't want them, he could scarcely express his gratitude to them as it was... But he knew better than to refuse, people gave gifts because they wanted to. Amadeus pulled the menu away from his face when she went on to inform him that she had also gotten him a present, he didn't know what to say, so he simply smiled, it lingered a bit longer than the last one, though it too faded.

[natalia]

Music was beautiful. Nat remembered the first time she had found herself in Erik’s flat, the sheet music littering the floor as if it were carpet. Of course, Elliot kept the flat a bit more orderly, but the inspiration was still there. It had taken her forever to forget that in theory, it was nothing but mathematical equations and logical patterns. When she heard it now, though, she could hear the emotion. That was something she’d never figured out how to plug into an equation. It was almost healing…

Nat’s eyes flickered to Amadeus’ profile. She’d never really noticed his appearance. She had never really given any thought to the appearance of a boy. Girls in her dorm sat up all night gossiping about eyes and hair. She’d never really found much sense in it. But Amadeus…she had never realized how soft his hair was or how his eyes caught the light until she’d found herself spending almost all of her time with him. He’d found his way into her world, where it seemed as if no one had ever dared set a foot, and she felt as if she trusted him. She trusted him completely. Someone like that deserved to have a face in her eyes.

Honestly, it’s preferable that way

Nat watched as a smile tugged at his lips. For some reason, her heart decided to skip a beat. A grin of her own split across her face. She loved it when he smiled. It wasn’t one of those fake ones put on in a hollow masquerade. She saw the twinge of happiness in his eyes, and she swore her face would split from the smile on her own face. She bit on her lip, determined to keep such idiotic responses in line. She was being ridiculous. She wasn’t going to let such girlish and childish thoughts fill her mind. It was illogical to think with anything other than her brain. It was nothing but a fantasy to think someone would do the same for her.

An eternity seemed to drag on slowly, both staring intently at their menus, although neither moved their eyes. She sucked in gently, wondering if he could see what was in her mind. Her face heated at the thought. She wouldn’t put it past him. He saw through every mask she could possibly put on, and she’d given up on doing so. It seemed pointless to hide who she was with him. Not after everything they’d been through. Even their actions seemed enough to bear everything to each other, as if there was no secrets between them. She’d stay up until the early morning hours, listening to the haunting piano melodies that filled the flat. Sometimes she’d wake in the middle of the night, screaming in terror at the phantom memories of what had happened in the dark corner of Hell in his basement. Of course, no one said anything. They didn’t have any secrets. Not really. Except for this.

This couldn’t be considered a secret. It was cabin fever. Maybe a cold. She couldn’t help the admiration she had felt at glimpses of his bare torso or the sound of his laugh. She was sick. It wasn’t a secret. She was being ridiculous, she was sure of it. As if to save her from her spiral of confusing and foreign thoughts, the waiter approached, looking surprised at their presence. Who was out for ice cream on Christmas Eve? Well, someone out of their right mind and her poor companion.
”Hot fudge sundae, please,” she blurted before the man could ask. Something warm didn’t make her seem quite so insane. Her gaze, victim to the magnet that was Amadeus, flickered over to him to see what he would order, eyes trained on his.

[/size]

[amadeus]

Amadeus wasn't sure what to do with the moment, he had been alone with Nat before countless times, the entirety of the holiday they had spent in one another's presence, parting only when it was time to sleep. As much as he hated to admit it, even to himself, he had developed a certain dependence on Nat, he wanted to be able to protect her, he didn't like it when she was out of his sight. The feelings alone were terribly confusing, Amadeus had never encountered anything like them before. Nobody else made him this, well, human, he decided was the proper adjective. It was normal for people to feel these things, wasn't it?

A certain, indescribable fondness for someone else... Amadeus didn't want to call it love, he had never felt that before in all his life, but he wasn't sure if there was another word for everything that he was feeling. The desire to want to be a protector and provider for one person in particular, not wanting to be without her... Amadeus brushed those thoughts aside, though they were normally quite persistent, particularly when Nat was around, when her thick tresses were allowed to curl and move as they pleased. Her mane was almost wild-looking when untamed, but Amadeus liked it.

Maybe it was the stark contrast- all his life he had grown up in a family that was pale with sleek tresses, the majority of them colourless blondes- only his mother and Ascella had had dark hair, though it was of the same silken, pin-straight texture. Or maybe Amadeus liked it so much because he was hard-pressed to find a trait, physical or otherwise, about Nat that he didn't like. Out of everyone on the planet, she was the only person who he didn't mind spending so much time with, everyone else got under his skin- even Hailey who had been his sole friend for years.

She asked too many questions, she was too emotional, and at times it was a wonderful balance in comparison to what he had become, though a lot of the time it got to be annoying. She didn't understand him the way that Nat did. They had both lapsed into silence, and for once Amadeus almost felt the need to fill it, he hadn't encountered this with Nat before, normally the both of them were content to simply be, they could talk or just sit, but this time he felt some sort of tension...

Amadeus looked at her hand on the table, half-tempted to reach across and take it. He blinked forcefully a few times, what had come over him? He hadn't acted on his impulse, but the fact that it had even existed in the first place was almost troubling. Nat had changed him, and while he liked her a lot, he wasn't sure if he liked what was going on in a foreign part of his brain, and an uncharted portion of his heart. Nat had seemingly waltzed into his life and unlocked an otherwise inaccessible part of his person.

He blinked again when she ordered a hot fudge sundae from the waiter, and when the man turned to look at him, Amadeus said only, "same." The waiter, seemingly able to tell that neither of them were the type for conversation, merely nodded and penned down their order with a quill, ending whatever he had written with an unnecessary flourish. It was only then that Amadeus realised he wasn't using an owl or eagle feather quill, as was commonplace, but one fashioned from a shortened peacock feather.

Draco had had a full-sized one on display in his office, one that had apparently been wielded by his great-great-grandfather. Amadeus lightly bit his lip as the waiter snatched back the menus. He wished that the man hadn't now he didn't have anything to do with his hands...

[natalia]

Nat chewed on her lip awkwardly. She could feel the tension in the air, so thick she was sure she could slice through it. The short distraction of the waiter was short lived, vanishing into the back. She stared at the table top, eyes skimming every dent, scratch and stain, although it didn’t do much to alleviate the tension. She was determined to vanquish whatever this was, finally looking back up at Amadeus. The determination shrunk away again as she found the same awkward tension in his eyes. Had he seen how she was feeling? It could very well be so…he seemed to know everything about her. What good was it to act as if she was trying to hide something?

Ever the vigilant rescuer from her strange and consuming thoughts, the waiter appeared, leaving one giant hot fudge in the center of the table. Before Nat could protest to the missing second hot fudge, he slid two spoons into ice cream and vanished. The heat of the hot fudge still didn’t seem warm enough to justify her impulsive trip to the ice-cream parlor, but it was better than nothing. Handing one spoon to Amadeus she took her own spoonful, grateful for the sweet taste of chocolate. Nat loved chocolate. There had been a time, after returning from Hell, when she thought she could never eat again. It hurt, and her body could never contain it for long without feeling like she would explode. Now, though, she was proud to say she could eat something as decadent as chocolate. She truly loved chocolate.

Nat’s eyes met his. Although she could lie to herself and say ignoring the tension would make it vanish, it wouldn’t. She reached across him, plucking the cherry from the top, offering it to Amadeus. ”I’ve never really liked the cherry,” she said, although it was obvious through her actions. She felt this need to speak, which was rare for someone as quiet and observant as she was. She wanted any distraction to keep her mind from wandering into that foreign place. Holidays, of course, being the most recent topic, she had little else she was able to find.

”They’ll be out of town on New Year’s as well,” she twirled the silver tip of her spoon through the brown fudge, drawing spirals and twirls as she went. ”We don’t really do much. Erik will sometimes have a gig, but there’s not a lot of tradition,” she continued to speak, although it was merely superficial small talk. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt the need to do so with Amadeus. However, speaking became easier as she kept on it, keeping her hands, mouth, and brain busy, and keeping her out of trouble. ”Erik says the Americans believe that you have to kiss someone on New Year’s Eve,” she laughed slightly at the thought. Kissing. Now that was foreign to the young Italian. She cursed the bad habit of rambling she had. She sounded like quite the know-it-all, talking about foreign facts and trivia, as if others cared. Even her fellow Ravenclaw intellectuals found it tiresome when Nat lacked the social capacity to casually converse.

”What about you?” She asked with a grin, glad to turn the topic from herself. She imagined he’d had much more extravagant experiences with a holiday that didn’t mean much to her. Mostly it had been sitting at home while her brother and his friends were downstairs drinking…her parents wouldn’t be back for a few days. She didn’t like remembering holidays. They were almost never pleasant…that is until she found Erik. ”Anybody special you liked to kiss?” She teased, nudging him slightly, although her stomach plummeted as the words thoughtlessly left her lips. She didn’t want to think about Amadeus kissing. She quickly shoveled a large spoon of ice cream into her mouth, hoping the hot fudge would still be hot enough to burn her tongue and thoughts out of her head. No such luck. The heat in her cheeks could have accomplished the job, however.

[/size]

[amadeus]

Amadeus wished he knew what was coming over him, why he was feeling what he had, what it really was. He didn't want to say it was love, something that seemed so cliché and trite, something that was reserved for fictional characters; or really, anyone but him. Amadeus had never done any of the whole romance thing, though he couldn't deny that he had perked the interest of many girls back at school. He was one of those supposedly deep, quiet, mysterious, and dangerous boys- though he had coldly turned down any flirting, or otherwise gone out of his way to avoid the groups of giggling girls.

Some of them were almost entirely unavoidable, however, trailing after him in the hallways. One girl in particular, a gutsy fellow Slytherin had cornered him when he had least been expecting it and kissed him. Amadeus hadn't even reacted to her disappointment, it had been shocking, it wasn't anything that he had wanted, nothing he had solicited, or gave even the faintest inkling that he was interested in. At least from her. Amadeus had entertained the idea of kissing Nat, but he had been quick to shove those thoughts as far away from his conscious mind as he could imagine. Somehow, that didn't seem right. He didn't want to ruin anything.

That was, if there was anything there to begin with. Though Amadeus couldn't help the feeling that there was something beyond friendship there, the thick tension in the air, how Nat seemed to blush at the most trivial of things... Though Amadeus liked it when she blushed, it was cute- someone so rigid and logical such as her having an involuntary reaction such as colouring in the cheeks based purely in emotion, it was endearing. And he couldn't help the faint surge of pride he felt when it was him who caused her to have that reaction.

Thankfully the waiter was quick to bring out their order, probably because there were no other patrons to tend to, so they could have all the attention of the staff. Amadeus was quick to pluck the cherry off his and pop it into his mouth. He had never been much of one for sweets, but he liked the syrup-soaked cherries that often adorned the tops of ice cream sundaes, they were sweet without being overtly so. Picking up his spoon, Amadeus prodded at the frozen confection, he didn't really want it, but he'd eat it anyway.

Such was the way of a teenage boy, always eating, regardless of what it was and whether or not he was really hungry. At least the pendulum had swung in the opposite direction, for a long while he hadn't eaten much of anything- but he was hitting another growth spurt, so he needed to fuel his body so he could grow properly. He was getting taller again, and if his resemblance of Draco was any indication, he'd likely reach six feet high before he was done growing.

Amadeus nodded along as Nat spoke, staying quiet for lack of having anything to contribute to the conversation. There were New Year's traditions back at the Malfoy Manor, lavish balls that his mother would insist on hosting, the live orchestra, everyone in dress clothes that if pawned at thee right place could feed a third world country for a month... Amadeus had used to like it, even the stuffy dress robes with the collar that had practically choked him. He had used to snitch glasses of champagne, turn into a giggling mess...

Amadeus chomped the cherry that Nat had given him, and swallowed as she asked him if there was anyone special that he liked to kiss. He nearly choked, but he forced down the sugary fruit and sputtered a moment. It had sounded almost flirtatious... Did it mean what he thought it meant? Or was he reading too much into it? This was all so confusing- this was Apollo's territory, not his. "Um, no, but maybe there's someone that I'd... like to..." said Amadeus, for once not keeping a steady tone and feeling a certain heat coming to his own cheeks. He compensated for his sudden awkwardness by taking an overlarge bite of ice cream.

[natalia]

Nat jumped as he choked, taken aback by the sudden, loud action. She had been so sure her slipping up had gone unnoticed, or maybe…just maybe…he’d have felt the same way. No. Her face flushed in humiliation as he regained his composure. She dipped her head, as if leaning over the ice cream with interest, although she wasn’t sure she could stomach anymore. She didn’t dare look at him, finally recognizing the feelings she had felt.

Um no, but maybe there’s someone that I’d…like to…

Nat looked up, managing a half-smile, although it had no heart in it. She wondered glumly who that might be. She looked back down at her ice cream, letting her spoon sink down into melting ice-cream. ”Really?” She asked, finally braving another look up as she locked her hands in her lap ,unsure what else to do with them at this point. ”You never told me about her,” she pulled out another half-smile. It was odd….Amadeus keeping something from her. Of course, maybe it wasn’t something he felt he was keeping. Maybe it was some older girl….one who could stay on her broom.

Nat was fascinated by the way he could move on a broom. She’d given up quickly after her first year, finding Flying to be the only class she had struggled to receive an O in. Then there were those graceful girls, already physically far more than she could ever be, out on the field as well. Or maybe Haley. She knew they were friends…and she’d never cared until now. She didn’t want to even think about it. She reached up, twirling one curl around her finger, unsure how to progress further with the conversation. Did she want to keep going? She felt as if she might be sick. Why now? Why was she suddenly recognizing these feelings? Why did she think she had the right to feel that way? Love was something for someone as gorgeous as Elliot.

But she couldn’t be sad. Not when she saw the look in his eyes. Talking about her was almost reminiscent of a spark in his eyes. She smiled again, this time, a real smile, brushing her hair out of her face. ”So what is she like?” She asked, although her throat closed after the words. Part of her knew she ought to be happy he had found someone special….the other part felt hurt. Hurt it couldn’t have been her. Logically, it made no sense. But logic had flown out the window a long time ago.

[/size]

[amadeus]

Amadeus held the ice cream in his mouth a moment, taking more care with his swallowing, though he had done it perhaps just a bit too quickly as he had given himself a sudden brain freeze, a keen pain coming to his sinuses. He really did not know how to control himself with something as basic as eating... He couldn't help himself, not with the way that Nat made him feel, she turned him suddenly stupid for whatever reason. Amadeus both liked and disliked it at the same time, but there was no denying at this point that there was something there. At least he hoped so.

Why did this have to be so difficult? Apollo it seemed could just point at any girl he wanted and have her under his spell in a matter of seconds. Amadeus had never aspired to be like his brother in any regards, but when it came to this he wished that he had at least some traits that Apollo did. Amadeus simply wasn't the charming womanizer, and really, he only wanted to be that for Nat. Other girls could still turn his head, of course, he was a teenage male, but none of them had had the appeal that the Italian mudblood with the wild curls did.

He waited for a response to his attempt at flirting, though Nat didn't seem to read into it the way that he had hoped. He really was not good at this sort of thing, perhaps it was lack of experience, or a fierce determination to be nothing like his father or his brother, getting in the way. He wanted to spill everything, he didn't like playing games like these, his old self might have liked them if he hadn't been subjected to the deaths of his sisters, been dealt the harsh realities of the Death Eaters and what they did...

Amadeus was floundering, he hadn't meant to hurt her feelings, couldn't she see that he had been trying to refer to her? Nat was always so clever... Perhaps she was about as well-versed in these things as he was, which was to say not at all. Why did this have to be so difficult? Amadeus took another bite of his ice cream, making sure to keep it reasonably-sized, he didn't even want it anymore, but it gave him something to do with his hands, and prevented him from saying anything else stupid. "Um," said Amadeus after swallowing, "well, she's real clever, with this curly hair that I like. Um..." did she understand yet? He just hoped he wasn't going about ruining his living arrangement, he didn't have anywhere to go...