anger (open)

[doodle]

Blaize was pacing in the common room, as he often did when he had a free period. His boss was literally forcing him to take fewer hours, since he was still a minor, and was practically working full time. He almost wished that he had taken more classes, having free time allowed his mind to wander too much, gave him room to sink back into feeling sorry for himself. Blaize found that the busier he kept, the happier he was, but now he had absolutely nothing to do, and those painful thoughts were creeping up on him; try as he might to suppress them.

For the first time since Emily's suicide, Blaize actually felt angry. The emotion was foreign to him and his calm nature, but he had been betrayed by his sister. Thoughts were racing through his head about how selfish Emily had been; had she not known how much her family and friends cared for her? Or how much pain she would do unto anyone that had known her by ending her own life? Blaize became overwhelmed with the desire to hit something, so he punched the wall so hard that it caused his knuckles to pop. He began pacing faster, doing his best to ignore the throbbing in his hand.

[violethorses]

Azzurra headed up to the common room during her free period, as the library already had quite a few people working there. Usually the Hufflepuff common room was pretty empty this time of day, anyways. As she whispered the password she heard a dull thud from inside. Raising her eyebrows slightly, Azzurra entered. Blaize was pacing around the common room, his hand was bright red. "Blaize?" Azzurra asked. "Are you alright?"

[doodle]

Blaize looked over at an acquaintance of his, Azzurra, she was the captain of the Quidditch team, a year his junior. He then looked down at his hand, only then noticing how much it had hurt. He had popped three of the fingers out of place, the knuckles were already bruising. "Yeah. I'm fine." Blaize said curtly, he obviously wasn't. Even when angry he didn't look terribly different, just uptight. He forced himself to look away from his hand, but found the pain was too great to ignore. Blaize had suffered dislocated fingers before in Quidditch, it was no big deal. He bit down on his tongue as he popped them back into place, then took a sideways glance at Azzurra.

[violethorses]

Azzurra winced when Blaize popped his fingers back into place, she had to look away for a moment. Azzurra wasn't that great with stuff like that, especially if she was the one injured. "Alright," she said after a moment. "Let me know if you want to talk about anything, though," she added, shifting her bag on her shoulder. Azzurra waited for a sign from Blaize, then she would probably just sit in her usual chair and do her homework.

[doodle]

"Okay," Blaize said flatly, although he knew that he would probably not tell Azzurra about his problems, most of the school knew already. It wasn't hard to notice that Emily was gone, she had been one of the more popular students before being attacked last December and then downward spiraling into her depression, and then eventual death. Blaize bit his lip, he wanted to go retreat to his dormitory to have some more time alone, it just felt awkward sharing the room with Azzurra. But something was keeping him there, what it was, Blaize had no idea.

[violethorses]

Azzurra paused for a moment, wanting to say something more, but not quite coming up with the words. It wasn't until she was halfway over to the chair that she figured out what she was trying to say. "I'm sorry about your sister," Azzurra said quietly. If the rumors were true, then Emily Weasley had killed herself, though Azzurra had no idea what had happened to make her do that.

[doodle]

"Yeah, me too," Blaize sighed, flopping down on one of the couches, lying down so he could drape his feet over the arm of it. His gaze fixed upon the yellow hangings that draped from the ceiling to the walls, and eventually brushed the floor. Blaize wasn't quite sure what to do with himself, he just knew that he was angry, and he didn't like it. The pain in his hand still remained, it was a dull throbbing, better now that his fingers were in their proper positions, nevertheless. Blaize wanted to spill everything right then and there, but he didn't feel that he knew Azzurra well enough to convey all that information about his personal life.

[violethorses]

Azzurra nodded a bit, sitting down in her usual chair. She waited a moment to see if Blaize would say anything more, then put her things on the little table next to the chair. If Blaize didn't say anything further, Azzurra would just do a bit of homework, though she definitely felt as though her housemate had some things he wanted to say.

[doodle]

Blaize felt as though he were cracking, but Azzurra hadn't said more than a few sentences since her arrival. He couldn't help but feel that she was waiting for him to say something, though he knew that was just his mind being silly. "I shouldn't be angry at her," Blaize finally said, months of pent-up frustration finally seeping into his tone. Was this a normal part of grieving? If it was, then why did he feel so horrible about it? Blaize was terribly confused.

[violethorses]

Azzurra paused at Blaize's sudden outburst, considering what he had said. "Maybe you have a right to be angry," Azzurra offered, not knowing what else to say. "It wasn't your fault. Ultimately, she made the decision." Azzurra felt bad for Blaize and the rest of Emily's friends. They had to be taking her suicide pretty hard.

[doodle]

Blaize bit his lip, he wasn't sure what to say about that. It just felt wrong to have such strong anger toward someone that had passed away. Emily had been very close to him, they had had their quarrels like any set of siblings, but they were still dear friends. She had been a quarter of the group of friends that had pretty much disappeared since her death, and Safira's sudden dropping out. What troubled him most was that he couldn't remember what the last thing he had said to Emily was. Had he hugged her the day before she took her own life? "It just doesn't feel like I should," Blaize sighed toward the ceiling.

[violethorses]

Azzurra nodded; she could scarcely imagine how Blaize must be feeling, though she could guess that he would be pretty angry at Emily for ending her own life when so many people cared about her. Azzurra paused for a moment, not sure what else to say. "Did she say why?" Azzurra asked softly after another pause. Blaize probably didn't want to talk about it, but Azzurra felt as though perhaps it would help him come to terms with Emily's death.

[doodle]

"I just think enough was enough for her," Blaize said, his tone suddenly very quiet. It was hard for him to talk about what had been going on during the last few months of his sister's life. Those few months had been difficult for him to watch, Emily had self-harmed, gone anorexic, and had been so depressed that she was near impossible to talk to. Blaize bit his lip, wishing that things could be simpler, but nothing was going to be easy. At least not anymore.

[violethorses]

Azzurra nodded, falling silent as well. Something had definitely happened to Emily Weasley to make her that way, though Azzurra didn't quite know what that had been. She remembered Emily as a happy sort of person, a rather devious Slytherin. It was so sad what she had become in the last year or so of her life. Azzurra remembered having feeling sorry for the girl, she had obviously fallen into a deep depression.

[doodle]

Blaize covered his face with his hands, the yellow hangings overhead no longer enough to distract him. He instead retreated into darkness behind his fingers as if in denial that the world still existed. Though he hated to admit it, Blaize was afraid of being depressed, depression had been the trigger for this entire ordeal; though at the same time it didn't feel right to be happy, either. A great deal in life didn't make much sense to Blaize, it was all he could do to make something out of it.