hopel e s s //nix

[prudence]

Prudence found her hand absently going to her stomach, as if the gesture would protect the tiny baby growing in there. It was almost surreal to think about, that in a few months' time she was going to actually have a baby. She wasn't quite sure what she was going to do with herself, she might not be able to handle it if the child physically resembled any of her assailants. Prudence still had no idea which of the three had fathered her baby, but all of their eyes... Out of all the details of their faces the memory of the mens eyes chilled her the most. She prayed the child would have her eyes at the very least.

Prudence had opened her mouth to reply, but found that Nix was already tugging at her hand, saying that they needed the exercise. In reality, all Prudence wanted was to be still, perhaps she might change her mind once they got moving. "All right," she said softly, getting cautiously to her feet, more aware than usual of her specific movements.

[nixnight]

Nix gave a small smile as she saw that she had won a small battle in helping the other girl get to her feet and move a little, she knew that she had been the same only recently when she had just come past another month. She was very soon coming up her to sixth month she thought as she added the months up on her fingers, she hated the fact that her chiod was actaully due before her NEWT exams and it stressed her so much to think that its father wouldnt be able to care for it and she would be stuck for care while she had exams running

She shook her head and then streched out the finger on her free hand and shook them out before nodding to the edge of the lake, "i find walking in or beside the water always make me feel better, maybe it'll help you" she said with a soft smile as she hugged her robes tighter around her as the breeze caught her red hair and began to play with it

[prudence]

"Perhaps," sighed Prudence, although she didn't feel very much like walking. She was tired all the time, her pregnancy had barely begun yet she was always fatigued. The healers had expressed some concern about her own health when she had made up her mind entirely to keep the baby, though Prudence hadn't listened. There were potions she could take, she was used to relying on them for her own ailments, as long as the child was fine she would suffer through it quietly. She quickly ran a hand through her hair, although it quite cooperatively fell neatly back into place as if she hadn't touched it at all.

Prudence had been keeping her hair short for a few years now, it suited her. It was easy to care for, and it never fell on her neck or got in her eyes, which tended to annoy her. She quietly drew her cloak more tightly around herself, taking a quick glance up at the clouds. Prudence hoped that it wasn't going to rain, although she did know a charm that acted as an invisible umbrella, she would just rather that it didn't rain in the first place.

[nixnight]

A sudden breeze caught nixs robe and she turned to see the forest behind her and she shivered, she had missed 5 meets now and she knew that she couldnt enter it as herself. But she also knew she couldnt change, her child would be at risk then. But still, the darkness and emerald leaves waved to her and called to her to just walk in the shadows a little and nix bit down on her lip try to control herself

She turned back to the other girl and then started away frmo the comfort of the trees and down to the comfort of the water of the lake, it was cold of course and nix still walked in bare feet even though she knew it wouldnt be the best for keeping warm. but she didnt really care, she wasnt chaning her life until she had to

[prudence]

Prudence's gaze followed Nix's when the slightly older redhead looked to the forest. She herself had never been there, being much too concerned with upholding the rules. She had never been in any sort of trouble before, yet another reason why the whole pregnancy thing was frightening. She didn't want the stares, the whispers, or even the blatant accusations of her being promiscuous. She was nothing of the sort, she had never even gone on a date before. She was too shy, and was almost never approached by someone she would even consider the idea with. Though there was Jonathon, he was so kind, cared about her so deeply...

Prudence shoved thoughts of him from her mind, it wasn't fair of her to even think of something like that. She wouldn't do that to him, he was still a young man, who was she to force her problem of this magnitude on him? Prudence looked back down at her feet again as she walked beside Nix, biting her lip, her thoughts racing. Never before had she not known what to do with herself. She had no means of supporting even herself, let alone a child. Would her father understand her decision? Would he be supportive?

[nixnight]

nix walked down beside the lake before shifting her steps from the edge of the bank so she was stepping in the soft sand that surrounded the lake, the water lapped over her feet and she smiled a little. She couldnt go running but she had the water atleast. she walked a little before a small bit of weed wrapped around her foot and she bent over to tug it from her and then turned back to look at prudence behind her. "what worries you most?" she asked as the silence began to make her feel awkward, she knew the other girl was worrying over her issue a lot more than nic currently was but nix didnt yet have the feeling that she was carrying a baby. It just seemed like an injury that she had to deal with for a while before she would just have to change her life a little to deal with it

[prudence]

Prudence was brought out of thought by Nix's words, but then promptly lapsed back into it once more. She was quiet a moment as she pondered how to respond, what was worrying her most? Obviously, the idea of just being a mother and going it alone was frightening, but the idea of being possibly rejected by her father, the teasing that would no doubt increase once she began to show... Prudence wasn't sure if she could handle it. She bit her lip slightly before finally responding. "Everything," said Prudence quietly, "raising a child on my own, social backlash, how my father will react..." She trailed off and returned to biting her lip, her eyes stinging again.

[nixnight]

Nix felt her eyes soften and she considered slowing and turning to the other girl to offer her a hug but thought better of it after a moment, "looks like you'll defiantly need someone to talk to every now and then" she said softly as she walked through the edge of the water. Water lilies were growing at the edge of the sandy shore, she smiled a little as she saw them as she herself was hoping for a little girl. She wanted to call her lily and hoped she had hair like her but she knew that wasn't something she could control and it did annoy her a little but she wouldn't be unhappy with a boy.

[prudence]

Prudence nodded slowly in agreement, it was one of the few things she had come to accept of late. She couldn't do this alone. Granted, no one could carry her baby for her, shoulder the social punishments that were bound to be dished out on her, but Prudence recognized she didn't have the strength to go through this part of her life alone. She only wished that her mother were still around, she would have known what to do and say about this. She had been such a gentle, compassionate soul- the perfect balance to her father's stern logic. But Prudence knew it was useless to dream on that, the dead were dead, they weren't coming back. Nevertheless, she had decided that if her baby were a girl she would be given Rosemary as a middle name. "Could we slow down a minute?" Prudence asked softly, she was slightly fatigued.

[nixnight]

Nix twisted her head to the other girl and nodded it gently, "fine by me, we can start back towards the school if you like" she said with a small smile and she turned towards the water and took another step in to it and the smile on her face grew. She reached down and picked one of the lilies from the water and then turned back towards the other girl ,"take it, it's good luck to keep one" she said as she remembered the things the Maria told her when she had been alive still.

She held the lily out in her hand and she flicked her fingers and it unfolded against her fingers and opened on to her palm and nix smiled down at it, she would need to get one for herself at some point.

[prudence]

"All right," said Prudence, although the last thing she wanted was to be anywhere near her peers. But she had suddenly gotten very tired. Truthfully, what she wanted was to eat her weight's worth of a hot fudge sundae and take a long nap. Maybe some popcorn too, that sounded good. She wasn't even particularly hungry, she just had some fairly strong cravings. Prudence half-smiled and accepted the lily Nix held out to her. She appreciated the beauty of flowers, the simplistic way nature had made something so simple, but so pretty. Orchids were her favourites, however, her mother used to keep them.

They had been in the room that was now her art studio, their purple, white, and pink blooms stretching toward the sun that came in the west-facing windows. They had been so pretty, though had died not long after her mother without her tender care to cultivate them. "I suppose I could do with a little luck," Prudence said very softly, carefully holding the fragile flower in her equally delicate hands.

[nixnight]

Nix smiled as her friend took the flower and she tried hard not to laugh ,"it's got more colour than you do" she said with a kind chuckle before she turned back towards the school. She felt something brush against her side and lowered a hand to her pocket to feel her small stash of carrots and she rolled her eyes at herself for having forgotten they were there, but of course now that she'd thought about them, she just had to eat one. Sighing at herself, she dipped a hand in the pocket and took one out before nibbling on the end and then cursing herself for turning in to a human rabbit.

"this is the real reason im ginger, I bet I'm naturally blonde" she muttered darkly as she ate the carrot that she so much hated when she normally ate. It did annoy her that her child had picked foods that she would never normally eat in her own right mind

[prudence]

Prudence awkwardly smiled again, the corners of her mouth twitching momentarily upward. Ever since she had gotten pregnant she felt she hadn't been completely well physically. She threw up all the time, and she was so tired... It was all she could do to keep her eyes open during the day. The nightmares she faced almost every night certainly weren't helping either. Prudence was reaching the end of her rope in that regard, she had thought of perhaps taking a potion, though didn't know if it would be safe for the baby. She made a mental note to ask the healer at her next visit, she needed to sleep. "I'm not surprised," Prudence said quietly, she knew some days she looked like a wreck.

Some days were easier to make herself look closer to normal, though she almost always looked ill, or on the verge of being so. Her fingers lightly traced the flower's silky petals, it really was very pretty. Lily, maybe that could be a good name. Though Lily Rosemary together didn't sound quite right to her. Back to the drawing board it was. "Mayhaps," said Prudence in a small tone, though she couldn't imagine Nix with blonde hair. The red suited her.

[nixnight]

Nix rolled her eyes as the carrot disappeared from her hand and she threw away the tip towards the forest with a sigh, "three months left, just three" she said to herself and a hand lowered itself to her chest without her brains permission. Her fingers were already getting a little wider and she didn't like that at all, always having to site with her feet up in some ways was becoming such a bother.

But the school started rushing towards her as a reply to her thoughts and she paused quickly and looked down to prudence, "do you still want to walk with me? I mean I'm a fair bit more noticeable than you are now, people might think..." she said as she thought about the other girls concerns about thoughts about her.

[prudence]

Prudence glanced sideways at Nix when she muttered something about only having three months left. She wished that she might be so fortunate as to have her bump be that small for being that far along. As it was, she was beginning to show already because of the fact that she was on the shorter side. Though at this point it only looked as if Prudence had put on a little weight, rather than being with child. Though she knew that her time for getting away with that was running thin, she was dreading it when she could no longer hide her condition, things were bad enough as they were...

"No, I'll stay with you," Prudence said softly, but firmly. She was already a social outcast in most regards, she didn't have any social standing to be decreased for being seen with another member of the fringe. "Unless you're not wanting to visit the kitchens," added Prudence in an equally soft tone. Now that the idea of a hot fudge sundae had come up in her head, she wasn't willing to dismiss it. And so rarely did she actually want any food... It would be a good idea for her to indulge the craving rather than let it fade away.