hopel e s s //nix

[nixnight]

Nix smiled at the girl beside her and nodded ,"me? Turn down food? You clearly know me well" she said with a rare laugh in her voice as she started up the steps in to the hall and then her felt her hand curl. She quickly moved it from her stomach to her robe pocket and took in a sharp breath and she felt dizzy for a short moment before she stumbled and her head all came back, she shook her head only to see prudence was now away from her. She must have stumbled sideways and away from the other girl, "you are not good for my health" she said with a little hiss as she walked back to the other girls side.

One kick. One little bump kick had made her go dizzy and stumble. She was not going to keep up handling this so well on her own if the baby insisted on making it's presence known to her and everyone else through her own actions

[prudence]

Prudence half-smiled, though she didn't have it in her to laugh. She hadn't felt that caliber of happiness in quite some time, there were some days where it felt hard enough just to smile. And she knew that her smiles of late likely hadn't come off as very genuine, there was a certain light in her eyes that was lacking, turning their normally warm nature into one that looked rather flat, lifeless, almost. Of late Prudence felt that she had been floating, observing her life as if someone else were living it. It was an odd sensation to attempt to describe.

Prudence looked toward Nix, alarmed when her companion stumbled. She wasn't an expert on health, though she knew sudden losses of balance were never a good thing. To her, it had looked as if Nix were about to pass out. Maybe walking hadn't been the best idea. Thankfully, however, the redhead seemed to regain her composure. "Are you all right?" asked Prudence, unable to help feeling concerned.

[nixnight]

Nix felt her far go warm as she looked back at prudence ,"it has a habit of reminding me that it's there when ever I feel happy and have forgotten" she said as she held a hand out. "do you trust me?" she asked softly as she nodded to her open hand. She knew now that the girl was feeling much worse over all this compared to nix herself but she also knew that she needed to prepare herself for things that would soon be happening so maybe nix could help her in that way a little bit.

"I'm wobbling a lot at the moment anyway because it's due in only two months and the potions may hide the bump but they can't do anything for my new lack of balance" she said to try and comfort the girl a little before she shook her hand again. "will you trust me enough to take it?" she asked as a small but comforting and soft smile grew across her face

[prudence]

"Oh," Prudence said softly, though she still didn't like the way that Nix had stumbled like that. It had seemingly come from nowhere, people didn't just fall like that. Perhaps once they had gotten to the kitchens and sat down with some food they would both feel better. Especially since she would be getting the all-important chocolate. Prudence nodded softly and then accepted the hand that was offered to her. Nix seemed to have the uncanny ability to make her feel slightly more sure of herself. She had firmly made up her mind that she was keeping the baby, though had been unsure of everything else.

Prudence still wasn't sure how she was going to do it on her own, but she knew she would find a way somehow. She had to, if not for her, but for the child. "I trust you," said Prudence in that same, barely audible tone. It felt good to know that someone at least partly understood what she was going through, they would be able to help each other through it. Somehow.

[nixnight]

The other girls hand felt small and frail in nixs but nix still felt like she needed to help, she could still feel her baby kicking away so she very slowly lowered the other girls hand to the front of her robes where nix had felt the kick and freaked out only a moment ago. It would be here so soon, and that was finally sinking in to nix's mind and while she didn't like the idea of her life changing, she'd always been the to care about others so maybe she would be a good mother.

She let the other girls hand go and then smiled again ,"if only I trusted me" she said in a small voice as she felt her skin stretch a little as her baby kicked again. It was such an odd feeling, to be scared of something she wanted so badly. She put to down to the being alone part but she also knew that she would have only gotten controlling over her baby and how she wanted to raise it any way so maybe it was a good thing that the father still hadn't replied to her yet.

[prudence]

Prudence found herself genuinely smiling for the first time in what felt like forever when Nix positioned her hand so she could feel the redhead's baby. Such a firm little kick from something so small. Prudence herself had begun feeling her baby move, just little flutters in her abdomen, since her own baby was too small to kick like that. She had taken to calling the child her "little sparrow," because the fluttering felt almost like she imagined what bird wings would inside of her. There was something almost magical about it, she drew her hand away as her smile faded, burrowing her hands into her pockets to keep them warm.

"I know the feeling," sighed Prudence. Half the time these days she felt that she had no idea what to do with herself. It was frightening, having to face something like this at her age. She still had the nightmares, and had been avoiding Diagon Alley like the plague. Truthfully, she was afraid to go back- afraid of the place where all her problems had originated. Prudence would have no choice but to go eventually, but at for now, she would continue avoiding it.

[nixnight]

Nix couldn't help but feel good for the small but honest smile that leaked on to the face of the other girl ,"you look a look better when your not worrying and just smile" she said as a grin of her own claimed her face. She shook her head and then pressed her palms together slowly and then closed her eyes and took a deep breath and muttered to herself quickly ,"get a grip, got to walk, must get food, keep the grip". She flicked her hands away from each other and snapped her eyes open before bowing a little and waving a hand towards the kitchens secret passage way ,"after you, I don't think i should be in front if this little thing keeps throwing me of balance" she said before standing up straight slowly as she felt her centre of gravity tip

[prudence]

Prudence could only manage that small, half-smile this time, the first flicker of happiness she had felt in a long time was already gone. It had seemingly floated away like a balloon she had let go of the string on, it had gotten smaller and smaller until it wasn't there anymore. Though it gave her an odd sense of hope, if she had been able to feel really, truly content, even if for a second, then perhaps she might be able to conquer her fear, her hopelessness. The prospect of it seemed daunting even then, so she quickly mentally reminded herself nothing needed to be accomplished that day. Nothing at all, except perhaps the hot fudge sundae. "All right," Prudence said quietly, going in first. She herself was not looking forward to hitting her own clumsy phase, though she assumed it wouldn't be that far away. Given her short stature her belly had more room to go out rather than up.

[nixnight]

Nix stepped back a little as the other girl walked past and began to step in front of her, nix gently slipped her hand inside her robes and took out her wand just to feel it against her fingers and she sighed softly. She had magic and she had a few close friends and it seemed she nearly had someone she could really talk to about all this so maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She would be leaving school in June and the baby would be just old enough to be going outside and trying a new life as well as nix having try one as well.

She sighed to herself and then looked down at her wand, she couldn't help but wonder what sort of wand her child would have. More and more things like that kept coming to her mind recently, what house they would be and what wand they would have and what companion they would pick. She knew it was only instincts kicking in and telling her she would be a mother all the sooner.

[prudence]

Prudence found herself grateful for the quiet- it wasn't that she did not enjoy talking to Nix, but it seemed that these days it was difficult for her to hold up her end of the conversation. That and she had never been terribly talkative to begin with. She bit her lip, following the passage and instinctively cradling her stomach with her hands. For not the first time she wondered what her future would look like with a baby. If she would have a boy or a girl, what the child would look like, how they would act. But what scared Prudence most of all would be when the child began asking about its father.

She didn't think that it would be a good idea to outright tell her son or daughter that they had been the product of rape, but she didn't want to lie to them either. Even thinking on it made Prudence want to start crying again, so she shoved the thoughts from her head at the moment, thinking only on the hot fudge sundae which she was so desperately craving.

[nixnight]

Nix found herself with an image of a little red haired girl walking out of hogwarts in blue robes with a car at her side and gave a small sigh, she knew that if she had a daughter then she would be smart. She knew that her little girl would be smart, but her son would be a troublemaker and she knew that too. He looked different in her mind, he had an owl and red robes and dark red hair and his fathers icy blue eyes. Even as she thought the word father she felt her hands curl and she gave a small sigh, what happened when the baby asked about their father. She told them that it was a drunken night where people's real emotions had come to light only for her to realised it was infatuation not love, and that their father wouldn't even talk to her while she carried them for three quarters of a year. 

[prudence]

Prudence found herself grateful when the entrance to the kitchens came into view, the silence between them had been allowing her mind to wander into more painful territory. Though she hadn't particularly been wanting conversation... Truthfully, Prudence had no idea what she wanted anymore. Other than for things to be simple, she missed the days when her only worries were the anxieties over exams. But she now found she didn't give a damn about her grades, she was planning on dropping out of school to care for her baby. She stepped into the kitchens, and immediately they were greeted by a team of three house elves who cheerfully asked what they could get for them. "A hot fudge sundae, please," said Prudence in a small tone, and one of them immediately dashed away while the other two looked to Nix.

[nixnight]

Nix found herself in a daze until she came to steps, she had to bring her focus back as she walked down them before a polite voice as asking her what she would like. "4 chocolate eclairs and a banoffe pie please" she said as she felt her chest rumble under it's lack of food and she rolled her eyes ,"it annoying that i can eat so much and enjoy so much and yet I have to eat more of it only a few hours later" she said with a little sigh in her voice and she caught sympathetic looks from some of the house elves. she knew her head of house had set some of them too look after her while she sleeper and tidied her room and books and such as it took her so much energy these days yet it did annoy her that she needed more help.

[prudence]

What Nix had asked for also sounded good to Prudence, she had wanted nothing to do with any kind of food that wasn't a sweet or carbohydrate. She knew that she would eventually have to force down something with more nutritional value, though as for now she would much rather eat the few things which the child wanted. Right now those things being ice cream and chocolate. Or really anything that fell into the category of not being good for you. Prudence quietly thanked the elf that brought her an enormous dish of her request before turning to Nix with a sympathetic expression. She knew what that was like. Prudence still had the morning sickness, though anywhere in late afternoon or early evening she felt like she couldn't eat enough.

[nixnight]

Nix thanked the elves that came forwards with her food and then paused and turned to a smaller one and offered it one of the treats she asked for, it looked up at her with an odd look before taking in and thanking her and then biting in to it. Elves were quite so against people being kind to them anymore and nix was thankful for that as she always felt like thanking people when they were kind or helpful to her so it made her feel good that her treat had been enjoyed by someone else as well as her

though she didnt take long to eat the three she had left, those were gone very fast. She made sure to use her wand to wrap paper over the pie, otherwise that would have been gone too and she knew she needed to save it for atleast a little while